


fear

by SweetHottest13



Series: my first and last [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Explicit Sexual Content, Idol Life, M/M, Renjun think so much, Soft Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, supportive Doyoung and Mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:14:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28713378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetHottest13/pseuds/SweetHottest13
Summary: " what are you talking about ? I never said I was waiting anything from you " Jaehyun said trying to keep his voice down." really ? then do you want us to stay fuck buddies then ? " Renjun asked smiling sadly, again with such incorrect word " what  you said to me last time say something else though" he added." what I said were my honest feeling that I have been trying to prove to you " he said hurt." you did , I believe your feelings " Renjun said " but I can't return them " is this mystery or something ? cause he can't understand anything .
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Mark Lee
Series: my first and last [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904257
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	fear

**Author's Note:**

> this look great together

Renjun was nervous more than he was on their debut day, both Nct dream and Nct 127 members where in the same room to film something together, he thought he would be fine , he wasn't alone and they could handle it , they're a lot of people so he won't feel awkward , for not being close to them.

  
He asked the manager what kind of content they would be filming , and he explained for them, something for making the members closer to each other , they would choose two members, and there will be two mc's.

  
Renjun thought it was a joke at the beginning, cause aside of him the other members were kind of close to each other , not all of them in the same level of course, but they could handle a conversation like a decent people.

  
But he with his lack of social abilities , he can't talk to the Hyungs freely yet, they were all nice and for sure not bad people , but he wasn't close to them ,he was fine around Jungwoo, Taeil, Johnny and Taeyoung who's not here now.

  
But not to the extant where he would call himself close to them , maybe Jungwoo since they used to live together , but he was kind of scared to be alone with them, he might he exaggerating , but he wasn't ready to take this step with one of them specially.

  
For his luck he was paired with Doyoung , not the person that make him nervous, but this wasn't that good too, he and Doyoung never talked , aside from the one time they went to Boa concert together , then it was like they don’t exist anymore, he don't mind they don't need to meet anyway , so he didn't think about it even though the fans keep asking about such things .

  
He wished things were easier for him , and he would get close to them like Chenle who came after him did , he was comfortable around everyone ,and never felt like it has a burden for him to spend time with people, even if they were meeting for the first time.

  
But he wasn't Chenle , he was the shy Renjun, and he was going to make things worse today " calm down I'm sure they won't bite " Chenle said whispering in Chinese so no one could hear what they're saying .

  
" easy for you to say " he said taking a deep breath , Chenle was paired with Jungwoo, as far as Renjun know and remember he never saw them together alone, but Chenle looked chill more than him.

  
" come on I'm sure it would be fun " Chenle said clinging to him " if someone bothered you just call us, you know all dream members will come to rescue " he said and Renjun smile at him , he was sure that his members won't let anyone bother him.

  
" Renjun Hyung " Jisung called walking toward them " Haechan Hyung bothering me " the younger whined trying to push the latter of him.

  
" is Renjun your mother ? I thought it was Jaemin ? " Haechan said and Jisung pouted.

  
" Haechan leave him alone or I'll be the one bothering you " Renjun threaten making space for Jisung to set next him .

  
" you can't do anything for me, look my Hyungs are here " Haechan said and Renjun knew he was teasing him , but he kind of felt like they could eat him alive " you know they're all working out, and I'm sure they're stronger and bigger than you" .

  
" since when we used our power or strength against you, to use it against Renjun ? " Doyoung said to shut Haechan, Renjun knew it was more to make him feel better .

  
"I wasn't talking about you lazy ass " Haechan said " I was talking about Jaehyun Hyung for example " Renjun tensed hearing the name , and he could feel Jisung shifting next him, the younger was paired with him, so he must be worried , of course not for the reason that Haechan talked about, so he held his hand reassuring him.

  
" Haechan the only one we would be using our strength against is you " Mark said coming to stand next Renjun " stop talking no sense we're not a gang, Renjun don't believe him " he said rubbing Renjun arm to comfort him, and Renjun smiled at him.

  
" you're no fun" Haechan whined " instead of teasing him with me, you ruined everything " Haechan groaned just then the manager came telling them to get ready.

  
Renjun saw Doyoung pushing Haechan to his place , Mark get up to follow " you're not coming ? " he asked him.

  
" I need to use the bathroom first " he answered walking away, he finished his business, washed his hands taking a deep breath trying to calm himself a little , he was about to open the door when someone else did.

  
Jaehyun the last person he wanted to see, walked in smiling at him " hi Renjun, how are you I didn't get to greet you there " the older said and Renjun nodded feeling his throat dry.

  
"hello Hyung " he said stepping to walk toward the door .

  
" wait" Jaehyun caught his arm before he could walk " can we talk after we're done ? " he asked nervously.

  
" I'm going to the radio recording after , I don't think there is time " Renjun answered and left quickly , before he Jaehyun could say anything , he went to take his place to do the interview , Doyoung was done already waiting for him.

  
It was wired to answer the questions, he tried to stay calm answering the questions , then he and Doyoung were in the same room, with Mark and Haechan telling them what to do through earphones .

  
Things better than he excepted , Doyoung was nice that what he concluded from the short time they get to spent, he tried to make him feel comfortable , they talked a little even after they were done, while waiting for Jeno and Taeil to do their interview , Renjun could feel a pair of eyes on him all the time , and he tried to not think about it, he saw Doyoung looking at Jaehyun direction.

  
Mark came and stood next them, hugging Renjun side adjusting the flower crown on his head "you look really cute " Mark said smiling at him .

  
" what about me ? I'm wearing one too, don't I look cute too ? " Doyoung asked leaning against Mark , and Mark blushed a little, yeah Renjun remember Mark telling him that he and Doyoung are together , and as far as Renjun know not all the members know about it .

  
" come on Mark answer your Hyung " Jaehyun said teasing him getting close " we all agree that Renjun is cute, but what do you think about Hyung ? " he asked.

  
Renjun felt his face become red, hearing Jaehyun words he know he was doing it on purpose , he know about Doyoung and Mark, and he was for sure annoyed that Renjun don't want to talk to him.

  
" he look like always " Mark answered " Renjun you say something , you should complaint each other to get closer " he said trying to change the subject.

  
" he look fine " Renjun answered shrugging without even looking at Doyoung.

  
" just fine ? " Mark asked surprised " I mean you should say more , to make your bond stronger " Mark explained flustered his face getting red.

" you can tell him if you want " Renjun answered wanting to tease Mark to distract himself, the older was making a funny reaction " this all I got for Hyung" .

Mark was about to talk when Doyoung walked with Renjun , to film the next video with Taeil and Jeno.

Renjun was grateful that he left before everyone, Jaehyun was going looking at him all the time ,and he could feel like he might do something stupid , if he stayed here in the same room.

" could you please stop?" Doyoung said irritated , has been Jaehyun huffing for a while , he looked upset since they get from filming earlier " what's happened ? " he asked. 

  
Jaehyun looked around , he came and Doyoung room after he changed his clothes, the older didn't mind since he come here a lot to talk, but he was extra silent today, and he kept shifting on his place mumbling to himself , like he was doing it on porpuse he knew Doyoung would figure something was wrong with him .

  
" I still can't talk with Renjun " he said and Doyoung give him a confused look " I tried to talk to him after we're done filming earlier, but he rushed to go to his radio".

  
" Jaehyun, you said he needed to go to the radio" Doyoung commented " couldn't you found a better time ? " he asked him like he was scolding.

  
" not like he was going to say yes if I did" he said annoyed " you talked to him today more than I did the whole period I known him " he said dramatclly.

just then Doyoung door opened and Mark walked in " can I come ? " he asked but he was already setting on the bed, Doyoung was smiling at him opening his arms for him, Mark didn't hesitate to go to his embrace " hi Jaehyun Hyung, what are you doing here ? " he greeted him.

  
" Jaehyun was complaining about missing Renjun " Doyoung answered kissing Mark check " baby , you know better could you please say something to him" Doyoung told him what just he said earlier and Mark nodded.

  
" Hyung I told you before, you won't get anyway if you tried this way with Renjun " he said " you're just pushing him away further like this " he added .

  
" I don't know what to do though " Jaehyun said ruffling his hair " it has been almost a year and he still the same " .

  
" Hyung look I told you before, I can't tell you about him it's your mission to get close to him " Mark told him and Jaehyun know that, he had been trying to do, but with no real result " he's sensitive and you might end hurting him like this , and you'll found me and Hyung coming after you , if something like this happened " he threaten and Doyoung nodded.

  
" hurting him the last thing I want " Jaehyun said weakly , he felt helpless " I just don't know how I can sort of things, and he doesn't help me " he explained.

  
" just give him more time" Doyoung said " he doesn't know you after all, for him you're just a member that he barely talked to , if I'm not wrong like a stranger " Doyoung wasn't wrong " I won't be surprised if he was scared of you for real " he added shaking his head.

  
" don't be ridiculous Hyung " Mark said hitting Doyoung chest " he won't be scared, careful or nervous around him the right words to say "he added scolding .

  
" why did you hit me though?" Doyoung asked in a pout voice pretending to sulk, and Mark start kissing the place he hit, it wouldn’t have hurt the older a little, Mark know that too but he still respond to him, and Jaehyun was jealous of them , he wished one day he and Renjun would be able to do the same too.

  
He get up to leave and give them more privacy " good night , I'm going to sleep " he said and left .

  
" who are you texting ? " Doyoung asked kissing Mark neck " I thought you came here to see me ? "he asked going lower exposing more skin, by lowering Mark big shirt more to get better access to Mark skin.

  
" Renjun , just checking on him " he answered struggling under Doyoung kisses " just a s.. second Hyung "he said trying to make Doyoung stop, cause he can't focus with the older holding him like this .

  
" you're lucky I like Renjun " Doyoung said stopping kissing him, but still so close resting his chin over Mark shoulder.

  
" I knew you would" Mark said " I'm sure he like you too " he said putting his phone down, and turning to kiss Doyoung lips.

  
"I wish he could like Jaehyun too " Doyoung said while sucking a hickey on Mark collarbone.

  
" this their problem they can solve it themselves" Mark said pulling Doyoung closer " let's not talk about them anymore ".

  
Doyoung didn't talk after, he tucked Mark shirt throwing it doing the same to his shirt , their hands going everywhere of each other skin, Doyoung make him lay down while they were kissing , they almost kiss every day, but Mark always get surprised ,with how great kissing Doyoung feel , he was ready to spend his whole life like this, sucking each other mouths tasting each other .

  
Mark released a loud moan , when Doyoung went low from his neck down to his chest, teasing him kissing and licking around his nipples, Doyoung was the main vocal who can do high notes effortlessly , but in bed Mark was the loud one, he was shy and embarrassed first , but Doyoung make him feel safe and confident ,so he didn't care anymore focusing on how good Doyoung make him feel.

  
" baby~~ " Doyoung said knowing how much Mark loved when he called him this " we should be careful , even if the others out, they could come any minute, and we don't want them to listen those beautiful sounds I make you make" Doyoung said teasing him with his hand rubbing against his bulge.

  
" Hyung please" Mark whined , they might kiss every day ,but they don't get to go further like this a lot with their busy schedule, and Mark always eager to please Doyoung , it was his favorite time to spend, and even when they saw each other everyday' he still miss him, even when they stand next each other .

  
" ok , I don't want to torture you " Doyoung said working on taking off Mark pants and underwear" I missed having you so much " Doyoung said kissing Mark dick, he miss the younger so much , after he debuted wuth SuperM they rarely got time to hang out like this , and it was until they start preparing for their comeback , that they get to see each other and sneack behind the members when it's possible.

  
He teased him for a while sucking his dick, before taking his pants off grabbing the lube and the condoms , he worked on preparing Mark , this was Doyoung favorite part , he would make a mess of Mark with his fingers , he would tease him until Mark can't take it anymore, sometimes he would let him come.

  
But not for today, he pulled his fingers out making Mark whine " come on Hyung " Mark whined moving his hip, Doyoung hold him with his clean hand , while putting the condom with the other.

  
He entered him carefully giving him time to adjust, then he start moving slowly, until Mark asked him to go faster , he did hitting Mark prostate with every thrust feeling Mark tighten around him.

  
" baby I'm close " he said leaning to kiss Mark , who nodded trying to kiss back , but it was messy , and unfocused both coming together in the same time, saying each other names until they calm down.

  
" as much as I love staying like this , but I can't breathe " he said trying to push Doyoung of him.

  
" sorry " Doyoung mouthed pulling out carefully, he kissed Mark forehead, getting up going to the bathroom, Mark closed his eyes feeling he has no energy left on his body, he felt Doyoung cleaning him so he opened his eyes smiling at him.

  
" thank you " he mouthed in a hoarse voice, he said while Doyoung helping him to wear one of his shirts and a clean boxer.

  
" could you get up so I could change the sheets ?" Doyoung asked and Mark wanted to protest , but he know the older won't feel comfortable unless he did.

  
" help me then" Mark said raising his arms for Doyoung , who smiled at him and picked him up carrying him to set at the couch .

  
Once Doyoung was done, Mark was struggling to keep his eyes open, he let Doyoung carry him back to the clean bed " how are you feeling ? you're alright ? " he asked him worried while hugging him.

  
" I'm perfect " Mark answered snuggling closer to Doyoung chest, Doyoung chuckled and Mark pouted " ok I'm drained and tired happy ? " he asked pinching Doyoung side.

  
" ok , let's rest then " Doyoung said holding him in place " can I ask question first ? " Doyoung asked playing with Mark hair, and Mark hummed relaxing in his hold " what about Jaehyun and Renjun ? " .

  
Mark opened his eyes looking at Doyoung " no , this a long story we can talk later " Mark answered and make himself more comfortable " good night " he said with his eyes closed .

  
" good night " Doyoung said .

  
Renjun know why Mark sent him this massage, he asked about today , but for sure Jaehyun talked to him since he know about what's going between them, Renjun told him that no need to worry, he just would talk with Jaehyun once he ready, like he was saying to Jaehyun for a while .

  
But he's not sure when he would be ready, things has been like this for months, yeah their relationship was awkward from the moment they meet, but after what happened last year things are not the same, they're not just two members of the same group, not friends , and for sure not Hyung and dongsaeng.

  
Things started when they shared a room, in one of SM town tour concerts, they barely talked when they were alone in the room ,and for sure it wasn't cause they were tired ,Jaehyun tried to start a conversation with him a few times, but he was tense and nervous because of the concert ,so he barely answered him with decent answers, he would be tired when they get to their room, and to have such conversation , require a lot of energy from him , and he didn't feel the need to , they won't have to see each other once this concert is over , so he better use his energy thinking about other things , especially after he fall on the stage .

  
It was the embarrassment more than physical pain, he went to wash up as soon as he got out to the room, and when he walked out drying his hair, Jaehyun was setting on his bed.

  
Jaehyun looked at him making him feel nervous " what ? is there is something on my face ? " he asked not sounding to kind.

  
" no, I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable" Jaehyun apologized his ears turning red " are you alright ? Haechan and Jeno said you fell on the stage ? " Jaehyun asked sounding worried.

  
" I'm good, just tired " Renjun answered shortly trying to not sound rude .

  
Jaehyun was silent he didn't move , then he get up setting on Renjun bed startling the younger " don't worry I won't hurt you" he said keeping some distance between them.

  
" what do you want ? " Renjun asked confused, he don't like to be so close to people he was comfortable with , but Jaehyun wasn't even close to him, and he was setting on his personal space.

  
Jaehyun take deep breath before speaking, he was looking at Renjun , he felt like he has a lot to say , but he don't know how to start " we don't have schedule tomorrow ? " he said unsure and Renjun rolled his eyes " and ? " he asked .

  
" ok , this is not what I wanted to say " Jaehyun said getting closer, he licked his lips " I'll do something and you can kill me after, but I can't take it anymore" he said and Renjun didn't understand what's going on .

  
Then everything happened quickly, he felt Jaehyun red lips against his , he didn't knew what to say , or how to react, does he should push the older angrily from him ? or he should just enjoy the moment ? .

  
Yeah, he can't deny that he was enjoying the kiss, he wasn't a relationship expert, but he kissed a few people in his life , and Jaehyun is the best for sure , he was so gentle extra careful to not startle him, his lips were so soft and fitted well with his, he felt his hesitant hands carefully hugging his waist, while he keep kissing him gently, it was more like long soft peck not a real kiss .

  
" so ? " Renjun asked once Jaehyun pulled back a little , he was still so close and Renjun could feel his breath against his lips, he would lean to kiss him, but Jaehyun need to say something first, cause it's not normal to kiss someone out of no where .

  
" is that ok ? " he asked not meeting Renjun eyes " do you want to continue ? " Renjun blinked a few times, registering what he heard then he leaned kissing the older again .

  
Jaehyun was surprised a little but he responded quickly, didn't thought when he kissed Renjun , he just couldn't handle how he was so beautiful , and he wanted to do anything , and this was the first thing to come to his poor mind, cause when it's about the younger he always lose the sense, they both fought for the lead, and Jaehyun didn't push so hard , he went with Renjun flaw, scared to do something wrong causing him to stop.

  
Renjun didn't has much to say or to ask from him , he just enjoyed the feeling of Jaehyun being close to him, he felt like he won't mind doing more , so he grinded against him, making Jaehyun yelp in surprise.

  
" what do you want to kiss me all the night ? " he asked and Jaehyun stared at him hungrily, like he could eat him before shaking his head " cool, let's continue what we started " Renjun said implying that this happening cause he want it too.

  
Honestly he never thought about Jaehyun like this, how he would be with his partner, the older rarely cross his mind at all if he has to be honest, he never talked to him more than greeting , and being polite and he never even tried to ask about him, he thought he don't need to since they weren't really in the same group, he didn't care that much since the older didn't try to talk to him too.

  
Jaehyun wasn't just gentle with his kisses, he was gentle with every touch and stroke against Renjun skin , like he was scared of hurting him, once they were naked and they could feel each other skin, Jaehyun licked and sucked on Renjun nipples a little , before going down kissing his flat tummy, until he reach his dick.

  
He was just kissing and sucking softly, careful to not leave any marks behind, and when he reached Renjun dick, he sucked harder a small hickey next to it , where they were sure no one could see it, then he prepared him carefully and slowly, making sure he's not hurting him.

  
When he entered him he kept kissing Renjun, and stroking his dick to distract him from the pain, it wasn't Renjun first time and he knew he was doing more than necessary , but he didn't feel like telling him this , he didn't even move until Renjun told him he was ready, he was making sure Renjun enjoying each thrust and moaning , he kept going until the younger came , he thrust a few more times and he came too , he pulled out carefully .

  
Renjun doesn't remember much after , he wake up alone in the bed , clean wearing his shirt and clean boxers, he looked and saw Jaehyun sleeping in his bed, he almost thought last night was a dream , then he get up going to the bathroom trying to make any sound.

  
He bathed quickly, and saw a few hickeys in invisible areas, he get out changing his clothes as quiet as possible , before going out to get some fresh air, he walked around the hotel that was filled with the other seniors , but he was lucky he saw no one on his way, he went out after sending a massage to Mark telling him to not cause a scene , he would be back after a while asking him to not worry, or tell anyone anything .

  
Mark crushed his phone with massages after , not just him he start getting massages from others too ,but he turned it off not wanting to deal with anything now ,he didn't take long and went back quickly, not wanting to cause more worry , or to be burden to anyone.

  
The others were eating breakfast, and Mark asked him to come and talk " you're lucky the manager didn't notice you were away " he whispered in his ear " but almost all other members noticed, I mean it was impossible with how panicked Jaehyun Hyung was, when he didn't found you in the room when he wake up ,he almost caused a scene " he added and Renjun thought he was exaggerating.

  
" Renjun you can tell me what he did , and I'll make him pay for it " Haechan said when he saw him " don't look at him , he can't do anything to me " he said pointing at Jaehyun who was looking down .

  
" no one did anything to me Haechan " he answered not looking at Jaehyun direction anymore" I just went to get some fresh air " he said trying to convince the curios looks.

  
" are you sure ? " Doyoung asked him " Jeno, said you fell yesterday on the stage , you're not hurt tight ? " Renjun glared at Jeno.

  
" you should have saw him " Haechan said laughing now " it was the funniest thing I saw , he almost flew over the stage " he explained with his body , making the others laugh too and forget about his disappearing in the morning , so he didn't comment on it.

  
He went to their room quickly to get his things before Jaehyun would come , he almost didn't saw or hear from him after , they went back to Korea , and thanks god he didn't set next him in the plane

  
  


Jaehyun kept thinking about what happened , even after they were back to Korea, he know someone would notice he was distracted, and the first one who asked him was Doyoung , they were alone in the living room, when the older slapped his arm glaring at him.

  
" what's wrong with you ? " he asked him and Jaehyun tried to act confused " you know what I'm talking about, so don't try to give me this innocent look, it work only on the fans ".

  
Jaehyun looked around watching if there was someone around, as far he know they were alone aside from Mark , who supposed to be sleeping angry at Doyoung, Jaehyun saw them arguing yesterday, they were moving to a new dorm, and Mark was mad when Doyoung said he would like a room for himself." is Mark still angry at you ? " he asked trying to change the subject.

  
" yeah, but this not what I asked about ? " Doyoung asked raising his eyebrow at him " are you going to talk , or should I force you ? " he asked and Jaehyun knew he has no other option.

  
Jaehyun want to talk to Renjun , they should talk about what happened ,he know it has been a while , and he should talk before it gets so late, so he gathered his courage and sent a message to the number he took from Doyoung , he cursed himself when he figured out that he don't even has the younger number.

  
_**Hello Renjun** _

  
_**It's me Jaehyun Hyung** _

  
_**I mean Jung Jaehyun … your Hyung** _

  
_**Nct Jaehyun … I guess you understood who I'm** _

  
_**Sorry for bothering you** _

  
_**But I thought we should talk** _

  
_**I mean when you have time ?** _

  
He cursed himself once he read what he sent, the younger would think he was an idiot, whatever he could worry about this later , let him reply first then he would worry later about the rest.

  
But he didn't get a reply, he waited all the night and slept while holding his phone, he check in the morning and there was still nothing , he get up annoyed a little, there was no way the younger didn't get his massage.

  
He walked out and heard Mark and Haechan , saying that the dream members has a practice today in the company, they were preparing for a collaboration song with a foreigner singer, they said that they're going to stay the night at the other dorm tonight , and Jaehyun was so jealous of them .

  
" could you please move of my bed ? " Renjun complained trying to push Mark from his bed, but the older hugged Renjun pillow giving him a sad look , Renjun sighed and sat next him " are you going to tell me what happened at least ?" he asked and Mark nodded .

  
" could you close the door first ? " he said and his voice was barely audible , Renjun did getting worried over what was wrong with the younger, and come to set next him taking his Moomin doll from Mark hand " Hey" .

  
" sorry , but Moomin is mine" Renjun said putting the doll on his lap " go hug your boyfriend if you want " he said it and regretted immediately , Mark eyes become full with tears and his looked like a kicked puppy" hey, don't cry please " Renjun said not knowing how to calm him.

  
" I'm not crying " Mark said more tears coming of his eyes .

  
" come here " Renjun said hugging him stroking his back to calm him " do I need to hit someone named Kim Doyoung ? " he asked trying to make the older feel better .

  
" I don't know such a person " Mark said through his sobs " if I ever said his name again, please remind me of this day " he said clinging to Renjun.

  
" ok , we'll see " Renjun said smiling " do you want to tell me what happened ? " he asked once Mark calmed down and stopped crying , Mark looked at the door and Renjun understood that he was scared someone might hear " don't worry no one will come here, they're busy playing games " Renjun assured him.

  
" Haechan still don't know about us … "Mark said looking at his fingers, Renjun was surprised that Haechan doesn't know , Mark told him not long time ago , and he didn't ask about anything he didn't say himself , but he has to admit that this was a big shock , since they were together most of the time and roommate at some point, but he understand why Mark didn't tell him , Haechan could have big mouth sometimes " I don't want to fight with him too" .

  
Renjun nodded understanding " ok , forget about Haechan now, and tell me what does Doyoung Hyung did to make you cry ? " he asked .

  
Mark told him what happened, how Doyoung said in front of everyone , that he don't want to be his roommate anymore, since they were moving to new dorms " I know this might be ridiculous , but I felt like he was breaking up with me, when he said those word " Mark spoke sadly , and Renjun held his hands before he start crying again.

  
" hey, if it make you feel like this , it can't be ridiculous " Renjun assured him " I don't know about you two to tell you what's wrong, but you should try to talk to him when you're ready" Renjun said .

  
" I know , but it's harder than I thought " Mark said resting his head against Renjun shoulder " I'm not ready to break up yet , I still love him so much " he said his voice start shaking a little .

  
" ok, stop thinking about this and go wash your face " Renjun said .

  
"can I sleep here tonight though ? " Mark asked getting up " I don't want to go upstairs and see him" he added explaining .

  
" I don't mind " Renjun said " you're not noisy like Haechan and Chenle " he added following Mark.

  
Renjun groaned there was a phone ring sound early in the morning , and it wasn't his ringtone , he opened his eyes and saw Mark head, he realized it was his phone, he grabbed it from the nightstand , Doyoung name was on the screen, he sighed wanting to put it on the silent mode .

  
" turn it off please "Mark said with his eyes closed , Renjun put the phone on silent mode and start shaking Mark.

  
" get up " he said but Mark didn’t respond " hey , it has been a few days since you have been sleeping in my bed, and it's not fun anymore " Renjun said taking the pillow from under his head .

  
" I thought I can stay here " Mark asked opening his eyes pouting , Renjun rolled his eyes at him, showing him his phone , there was a plenty of missed calls and unanswered massages from Doyoung , Mark frowned and take the phone away from his hand " I'll block his contact " Mark said staring at the screen.

  
" don't do any stupid thing " Renjun said scolding him " stay here as much you want , but don't do any stupid thing, and you'll take responsibility if someone said anything " he said and walked out .

  
Renjun decided that he need to talk to Doyoung for Mark, but he don't have his number, he can't ask Mark , and Haechan is like a CNN , so he has no other option other than asking Jaehyun.

  
So he thought what he should right , not wanting to make things more awkward between them .

  
_**Hi Hyung** _

  
_**Sorry for bothering you** _

  
_**But can you help me to talk to Doyoung Hyung ?** _

  
_**Mark Hyung has been mobbing around my room for days** _

  
He sent the massage and put his phone on his pocket, not wanting to keep thinking until he get a response.

  
Jaehyun was surprised when he saw Renjun name on his screen, but he understood when he read the massages , he and the others were worried too, he saw Doyoung earlier and he looked pissed at the tomatoes, and Mark was staying at the dream members dorm for a few days.

Beside he wanted to help too , he went to Doyoung room and opened the door without knocking ,it was dark and he couldn't see the later until he turn on the lights " what do you want " the latter asked annoyed .

  
Jaehyun walked to his bed and throw his phone next him, Doyoung take the phone staring at Renjun massages .

  
" you should talk to him , maybe he can help you " Jaehyun said setting next him.

  
" are you going to come with me ? " Doyoung asked sounded scared a little.

  
" what ? " Jaehyun asked surprised " you must be joking " he said laughing .

  
" I'm not " Doyoung said " you're not the only one who's not close to him, I don't even know how he would react , he said that Mark has been mobbing in his room, what of he take his anger out on me ?"he asked and Jaehyun stared at him.

  
" I can't comfort you and tell you that he would never do that " Jaehyun said .

  
" thanks I'm feeling better now " Doyoung said mockingly.

  
" I can't comfort you Hyung " Jaehyun said " Renjun can't too, but if you love and care about Mark, this is the least you would do for him " he said and patted Doyoung knee , before getting up to leave.

The rooftop wasn't the best place to talk, but they needed somewhere no one could disturb them, and they have really curious members, so it was the best solution for now.

  
" so Mark staying in your room… " Doyoung spoke awkwardly .

  
" yeah, but this not the problem here" Renjun said " do you really want to break up with him ? " he asked directly catching Doyoung off guard .

  
" what ? who said that ? "Doyoung asked glaring .

  
" don't give me this look " Renjun warned him " your boyfriend has been crying for days, thinking that you're breaking up with him " he added .

  
" I never said …" Doyoung said shaking his head " … I didn't even thought of such thing, where he got this stupid thought from ? " he asked and Renjun looked at him.

  
" if you didn't said or talk to him about it, then you should ask yourself why he think like this " Renjun said and Doyoung was surprised .

  
" I just thought he would be more comfortable if he get a room for himself " Doyoung said after thinking " you know he has a crazy schedule, and I thought he would like some time to himself , I can be annoying a lot of times …".

" you don't need to tell me this , you should talk to him " Renjun said " just be careful with your choose of words , he would become blind if he cried anymore" Renjun warned him , turning around to leave.

  
" wait ! " Doyoung called him before he head inside, Renjun looked at him confused " thank you… for everything " he said rubbing the back of his neck .

  
" don't thank me I didn't do anything for you " Renjun said honestly and Doyoung preferred this more .

  
" still , I should thank you for taking care of Mark " Doyoung said " do you want me to talk with Jae- "

  
Doyoung didn't get to finish his sentence, Renjun glared at him and cut him " don't you dare to finish you sentence, I don't need your or anyone help with anyone " he said and left before Doyoung could say anything else.

Mark went back with Doyoung, the latter visit the dream dorm when they were at practice, they cleared things between them and went together to their dorm.

  
Jaehyun was happy for Mark and Doyoung , but he was jealous that he can't do the same with Renjun , he can't even make the younger listen to him, so he decide to do his best to change that.

  
He went there searching for him the next day , he found him with the rest and the foreigner singer, he looked from a far trying to see how that singer looked, he looked handsome , blonde with blue eyes, but the most important thing, is that he was talking with Renjun most of the time, and he can't help to get jealous.

  
He saw them walking away, and went to the rest trying to catch them , but he couldn't , he asked indirectly about them and Jaemin told him that they went to record together.

  
He spent some time with the rest waiting ,then he went to wait somewhere else after sending another message , not wanting to distract them more.

  
**_I'm at the company_ **

  
**_Text me when you're done ._ **

  
He get a call after two hours from Renjun number , and he answered quickly " hello ? Renjun? " he answered not believing .

  
" yeah , Renjun … Huang Renjun … Nct Renjun … my Korean name is Huang Injun… you know your dongsaeng " Renjun said and Jaehyun could hear the mock in his talking, but he can't blame him his message was ridiculous .

  
" I'm sorry for my message … " he start talking but Renjun cut him.

  
" you mean messages " Renjun said not trying to hold his annoyance " where did you even get my number ? I don't remember giving it to you " he asked and Jaehyun bite his lip.

  
" can we meet ? I'll explain everything face to face" he said trying to convince him.

  
" fine , where are you now ? " Renjun asked and Jaehyun almost drop his phone, before telling him, he came with a frown on his face " what do you want ? " he asked as soon as he was close to him ,they were in the soundproof room, so he don't need to worry over someone hearing them.

  
" could you calm down a little " he said and Renjun glared at him , and he understood why Haechan is scared of him , he looked scary when he annoyed , it was the first time he see him like this ,and he isn't sure how to deal with this Renjun .

  
Renjun take a deep breath trying to calm himself " ok, so what you want to talk about suddenly ?" he asked looking at Jaehyun.

  
" I know a while passed and we should have talked earlier " Jaehyun started avoiding Renjun eyes " but I didn't knew how to approach you, and we both busy as you know , and I waited for the right moment… "

  
" talk about what exactly ? " Renjun asked raising his eyebrow " since when we talk to each other ? I don't remember the last time we talked alone ,if we ever did ? " he said frowning .

  
" but I remember well " Jaehyun said and Renjun open his mouth , but Jaehyun spoke before Renjun could snap at him again " it was in the gym , I was filming for our YouTube channel , you remember our manager called you to come and greet the fans ?" he said and Renjun was speechless , it hasn't been long while since then actually , but Renjun didn't paid what happened a lot of mind, he forgot that it happened.

  
If it wasn't for the video Jaehyun was filming , that the fans talked about when it was released , he won't even remember it all, and hearing Jaehyun talking about it like it's such an important thing , making him feel wired a little .

  
" I barely remember this " he said honestly and if he does, it would be cause the manager asked him to greet the fans.

  
" it's doesn't matter " Jaehyun said even though he was hurt and tried to hide it " but this isn't what we should talk about" Jaehyun added.

  
" I'm listening " Renjun said impatiently .

  
" you know , what happened when we shared a room … " Jaehyun spoke his ears turning red " you remember what we did right ? " Jaehyun asked unsure.

Renjun rolled his eyes before answering " why I won't remember " he said coldly " but I don't think there is anything to talk about, we both did it willingly as I remember , and since no one know about it or will, it's over there's nothing to talk about".

  
" actually …" Jaehyun said rubbing the back of his neck, which start turning red too.

  
" don't tell me you told someone ? " Renjun asked angry and Jaehyun remained silent " are you crazy? " he asked yelling .

  
" I just told Doyoung Hyung don't worry he won't tell anyone " Jaehyun said and Renjun snickered " hey it's not my fault, I was trying to talk to you , but you didn't reach me and I needed to talk to someone "

  
" good for you" Renjun said clapping his hands " so what do you want to tell me ? I'm here listening " Renjun said trying to end this as soon as possible.

  
" I thought we should talk about what we should do after what happened ? " Jaehyun said unsure , Renjun was making things harder , he was talking like they weren't in the same situation.

  
Renjun closed his eyes counting to ten in his head, Jaehyun can't be this much idiot with his handsome face " Hyung why you think so much about it ? it just happened now and we can't change that , so let's just move on we have more important things to worry and think about " he tried to stay calm as much as he could .

" this easy ? " Jaehyun asked surprised .

  
" yeah , why not ? " Renjun shrugged " we both wanted and we fucked , that's all the story " he spoke carefreely like he talk about what they ate for dinner .

  
" who teach you such vulgar word ? " Jaehyun asked rubbing his forehead , he start getting headache , this was harder than he excepted.

  
" I don't need anyone to teach me , my Korean better than half of our members " Renjun answered confusing Jaehyun more, like does he has to respond to every sentence, like he is smarter than Jaehyun ? .

  
" so that's it is ?" Jaehyun asked.

  
" from me yeah" Renjun said " why do you have something else to say ? you’re the one who wanted to talk after all" he asked.

  
" nothing ,I just wanted to make sure that we're fine " Jaehyun answered " and I guess we're fine " he said ready to leave.

  
Jaehyun didn't get to see the younger after , and he tried to not think about him, as much as he could ,they don't get to see each other much , Jaehyun just finished his group tour, and was doing some solo schedule , while Renjun was practicing for his group comeback.

  
When they meet in the company, they don't acknowledge each other unless they has too " Hyung stop glaring at Renjun he will fall down " Mark whispered in his ear , they came to see them practicing , and encourage them for their comeback, they weren't alone, there were some wayv members too.

  
" I'm not glaring at anyone " he said trying to act normal.

  
" really ? but I see something else" Mark asked in a teasing tone , why he dating Doyoung , he start sounding like him " if you do something wired I'm telling the Hyungs " he threaten and Jaehyun was now glaring at him.

  
" which Hyung are you talking about ? as far as I remember I was your Hyung too " Jaehyun said unimpressed " and stop acting like your boyfriend someone might notice that you're dating and it's creepy " Jaehyun said looking at Doyoung direction , he was talking with Jeno and Renjun was setting close, talking to one of the new members.

  
" don't worry about us " Mark answered " Sicheng Hyung " Mark called and the later get closer to them.

  
" just a second Mark " Sicheng said " Renjun baby come here " he talked in Chinese in loud voice, Renjun looked at them, but shake his head .

  
" just a second we're talking about something important" Renjun answered back.

  
" come here I need to talk to you now " Sicheng said and Renjun huffed getting up coming toward them " good boy " he said patting the place next him.

  
" I'm not your dog " Renjun said annoyed " what do you want ? " he asked.

  
" what were you talking about with Xiaojun anyway ? "Sicheng asked " you could talk later with him " Sicheng said.

  
" so you called me here for ? " he asked impatiently.

  
" what with this mood ? " Sicheng said " I just wanted to see you and talk a little , you have been busy, lately and I wanted to talk ".

  
" stop it and ask directly if you wanted to know , I would tell you if you went out your dorm " Renjun said irritated " yeah , I still see Jun Hyung he's my friend, not just him but Minghao Hyung too , happy ?".

  
Sicheng sighed and nodded " just be careful and don't get closer to him more than me " he said not wanting to continue this conversation " now how about we go to hot pot after your practice ? " he asked and Renjun eyes lighten.

  
" just us or everyone ?" Renjun asked before answering.

  
" Mark and Jaehyun can come too ? " Sicheng said unsure and Renjun remain silent.

  
" sorry Sicheng I don't think I should come " Jaehyun said .

  
" why Renjun you don't mind right ? " Sicheng asked looking at Renjun, and he try to make a cute face , Renjun pushed his face with his point finger.

  
" whatever , as long as you're paying " he said going toward the door .

  
" where are you going ? " Sicheng asked him before he went out.

  
" to the bathroom are you coming too ? " he yelled going out.

  
The dinner wasn't bad, they spent the night teasing Mark about Doyoung , who complained why they didn't invite his boyfriend, since they were the only ones who knew about their relationship.

  
"Renjun I thought you loved me " Mark said pouting " I'm telling Hyung on all of you " he said drunk resting his head on the table.

  
" why you wanted him to come ? he can't handle alcohol at all " Renjun whined when Mark leaned his head against his shoulder , he was surprisingly the best drinker among them, but he still didn't drink much since he has practice tomorrow .

  
" should I call Hyung to come and take him ? " Jaehyun asked .

  
" no need I did " Mark raised his head and spoke giggling, they thought he was joking , but Doyoung appeared after ten minutes and take his boyfriend.

  
" we should leave too " Renjun said and Sicheng nodded .

  
"Jaehyun could you take Renjun to his dorm ? " Sicheng asked and Renjun was about to protest " hey, you two live in the same building anyway" he said .

  
Sicheng went on a taxi alone, and Jaehyun and Renjun went on another one, the ride to their dorm was silent , Renjun was looking out of the window , and he could feel Jaehyun eyes on him from time to time, but he ignored him.

  
They walked inside the building and Renjun was heading toward the elevator , when Jaehyun held his hand, Renjun looked at him confused , then Jaehyun take him to the empty room in the first floor .

  
" what do you want ? " he asked .

  
Jaehyun said nothing and just stared at him before talking " can I look at you a little ? " he asked getting closer.

  
" the internet is full of my picture" Renjun answered not understanding very well " we should go back " he said hoping the older would listen.

  
"I want to spend more time with you " Jaehyun said whine " can't you still here a little bit more ? "he asked looking at Renjun with a puppy eyes.

  
Renjun sat on the old couch, and waited Jaehyun to do the same, the older did or say nothing , just looked at him , like Renjun face won't be there tomorrow " why you even want to spend time with me ? " he asked staring at Jaehyun eyes.

  
" I can't take you out of my mind since that night " Jaehyun said shyly " I know you told me to forget it, but I can't " he added frustrated .

  
" why ? was I the best fuck in your life ? " Renjun asked from his place, so close to Jaehyun face " can't you found someone better than me to fuck? " he spoke in a low voice smelling the alcohol they drank before on Jaehyun breath, but this didn't stop him from closing the gap between them.

  
They kissed more passionately, a little more intensely than they did in that night, Jaehyun gripped on his hips, hands roaming to feel flesh, mouths explored the expanse of each other , Renjun could only sigh before Jaehyun could do more.

  
" you're so beautiful " Jaehyun mumbled so close to Renjun , he pushed some of Renjun long hair behind his ear , making him blush " kissing you is on top 10 of my favorite things in the world" he said and Renjun laughed at him.

  
" thanks for the praise" Renjun said not taking him seriously, Jaehyun was obviously drunk .

  
" I'm serious " Jaehyun whined " you didn't enjoy it too ? don't you want to do it again ? don't you like me like I –" Jaehyun start throwing his questions at him.

  
" stop " Renjun said angry getting up , he don't want to listen to anything more " I'm going to my dorm , do you want me to call someone ? " he asked not wanting to be responsible , if someone found the older here , it won't be good for anyone , but Jaehyun just waved at him, and he left after looking back for the last time.

  
Renjun was acting wired , the members noticed and tried to ask and talk to him , but he said nothing , claiming that he was just tired and nervous from the comeback preparation , most of them didn't buy it and tried to ask more.

  
So this why Mark came to talk to him, or more try to make him talk , they normally would send Sicheng , but the older was busy with his second debut with wayv.

  
" you're wasting your time here " he said looking at his computer, he was going to watch a movie when the older came to his room " I'm going to watch a movie you can join though " he said keeping his eyes on the screen.

  
Mark went and sat next to him not saying anything for a while ,then he couldn't take it anymore and spoke " Don't you trust me ? " he asked and Renjun looked at him surprised, before pausing the video to look at the older.

  
" what's brought this now ? " Renjun said annoyed " I swear there is nothing wrong with me " he said but he didn't sound convincing even to himself " I'm killing Lee Haechan once I see him " he said to himself .

  
" that's not Haechan fault, I mean I heard it from him first but" Mark said " … I heard other things from Jaehyun Hyung and Doyoung Hyung " he said and Renjun looked at him surprised .

  
" what did you heard ? " he asked frowning.

  
" don't get mad " Mark said " something happened between you and Jaehyun Hyung --- ".

  
" there is nothing between me and Jaehyun Hyung " he cut him angry " I'm sorry but I don't have anything to say about this " he said trying to stay calm.

  
" ok, ok I don't want to anger you " Mark said apologetic " I just want you know that you can tell me anything ".

  
" I know" Renjun said putting his computer so he could hug Mark " sorry for getting angry " he said hugging him " but there is nothing for real , you don't have to worry about me " he said and pulled back.

  
Mark looked at him carefully " Renjun …".

  
" Hyung , ok I admit I slept with Jaehyun Hyung but this is it " he said and Mark gasped surprised " but that's it we're not you and Doyoung Hyung " he added not wanting Mark to jump to any conclusion.

  
" but whyyyyyyyyyyyy ? " Mark asked whining .

  
" no but's Hyung we just don't want or at least me , I don't like your Hyung like this " Renjun said firmly " let's not talk about this anymore , unless you want to bother me for real " Mark said nothing further .

  
Jaehyun was so worried over the younger , he was working hard promoting their latest comeback , covering his and Haechan parts sometimes ,he must be extra tired, and the wired thing that no one yet explained to Jaehyun about it.

  
The thing that happened in the rain, he doesn't know more than the fans, he wanted to ask but Doyoung didn’t let him, and told him to stay away from Renjun .

  
He was deadly worried so he tried to found another way to reach for the younger, he was talking with Sicheng in the company cafeteria , and tried to bring the topic carefully , knowing that the latter care so much about him as his real brother .

  
" I'm not sure too " Sicheng said " he said wired things, Kun Hyung told me to give him some time, and wait him to talk by himself ".

  
" he's here" Jaehyun said looking at the cafeteria entrance , Renjun was walking toward the counter , Sicheng get up walking toward him and Jaehyun followed keeping some distance between them, Renjun greeted Sicheng and almost ignore Jaehyun presence.

  
" why don't you hug him too ? " Sicheng said teasingly " it would help you to get closer " he said pulling Renjun closer to him.

  
" you, go and get close to the others leave me alone " he said pushing Sicheng hand from around his neck.

  
" I'm going to the bathroom " Sicheng said " don't dare to go anywhere, Jaehyun watch him " he said and walked out.

  
Renjun sighed and sat on the table surprising Jaehyun, who remained standing before deciding to set too.

  
" how are you ? " he asked carefully.

  
" it's none of your business " Renjun answered with a glare , trying to keep his voice low, the last thing he need to cause a scandal at the company.

" what I did for you to keep pushing me away like this ? " Jaehyun asked hurt" if you don't share the same feeling you could have just rejected me… ".

  
" stop " he said not able to hear anything anymore.

  
" just tell me you don't like me too, and I promise to not bother you …" he barely finished his sentence , and Renjun was on his legs walking outside.

  
Sicheng saw him and went after him, he didn't except the later to come back so he left too annoyed, he closed at himself on his room not wanting to talk to anyone.

  
He wake up to someone knocking on the door of his room, he opened the door and was surprised to see Sicheng there, the later looked at him pissed holding his fists .

  
" I want to punch you so bad " he said gritting his teeth.

  
" what ? " Jaehyun said confused .

  
Sicheng walked inside closing the door " do you know where I'm coming from ? " he asked and Jaehyun stood at the door keeping safe distant between them.

  
" your dorm ? " he said unsure.

  
" yeah, I was there " Sicheng said " Renjun was there too… he slept there last night " he said glaring at Jaehyun, he could see laser coming from his eyes " more like he cried until he fall sleep ".

  
" why ? something happened ? " he asked worried .

  
" you know better than me " Sicheng said " do you know what you did ? ?" he asked in disbelief .

  
No Jaehyun has no idea what he did to make Renjun cry, he should be the one crying with how the younger was treating him.

  
" look I swear I didn't mean to do anything to hurt him …" he said " I really like him and tried to tell him this , but he … doesn't like me I guess " he said helplessly .

  
" you're dump " Sicheng said and Jaehyun become more confused, Doyoung said the same thing about him when he knew what happen .

  
" why are you a lot of people calling me that and blaming me ? " he asked .

  
" why is there someone else know about this mess ? "Sicheng asked still annoyed .

  
" yeah , Doyoung Hyung " Jaehyun answered " but he wasn't polite as you, he told me this and almost start ignoring me after , I don't even understand why … I mean you're close to Renjun, but I don't understand what I did wrong to him in the first place ? "he asked .

  
" you're dump , idiot, fool and stupid … " Sicheng said and Jaehyun become more annoyed " what's there is else to say ? " Sicheng talked to himself trying to think about more things to say.

  
" look , I love you but you're crossing the line now …" he said annoyed with his friend words.

  
" you're the one who crossed the line Jaehyun " Sicheng said not thinking twice " you don't even understand what wrong you did and this even worse " he added and Jaehyun looked at him confused .

  
" what do you mean ? " Jaehyun asked .

  
" Jaehyun , I'll speak and tell me if I'm wrong " Sicheng said and Jaehyun nodded like a good kid " you liked Renjun for a while now as I know " he said and Jaehyun nodded , Sicheng was the only one who knew about his feeling but refused to help him " you slept with Renjun when you two were roommates …" another nod " then you tried to talk to him ,but he didn't let you " another nod " and you ruined everything when you decided it was a good idea to confess when you're drunk … " yeah , but why does this sound like it was his fault hearing things like this.

  
" I did wrong ? " he asked not understanding everything .

  
Sicheng sighed and sat down next Jaehyun " look , I shouldn't be the one who explaining this to you, but I'm doing it cause I don't think you're going to get it alone " he said and Jaehyun nodded " … you told me you like Renjun and I believed that, but you did nothing to show it , not for him not for anyone else, then you slept together and suddenly you became interested in him , you even confessed while you're drunk ! " Sicheng exclaimed getting angry again and Jaehyun remain speechless " what does this make you ? " .

  
" asshole ? jerk ? idiot ? dumb ? worst person ever ! " he talked to himself walking in the room " I need to talk to him and explain things … " he said ready to go open the door and head outside.

  
" don't you dare do anything stupid "Sicheng said stopping him " you need to think more about what you did wrong , and before you do anything think a lot " Sicheng scolded like his mother would do " if you did something stupid again , and make him cry , I won't be this lenient with you" he threaten and walked out.

Jaehyun thought a lot about everything , from the second he realized his feeling for the younger, it was after 2018 promotion was over , he thought he could handle his feelings and move on , it won't be hard since he barely see the younger , or talk to him unless the others were around, which mean he get no chance to get near him.

  
He thought about confessing , maybe the younger was feeling the same too, but he backed up, Renjun was young and he might think he trying to take advantage of him, Jaehyun felt like he was out of his league , he get more beautiful every time he look at him

  
He was so talented and fun, from what he knew by watching from a far , and listening about him from him, always not daring to approach and talk to him, he felt like he was already taken and Jaehyun has no place on his life, so he decided that the best thing to do is trying to move on.

  
He unfortunately get drunk with Doyoung and Sicheng , and start talking about the younger , how he always with Jeno and Jaemin , how he would laugh with Mark and Haechan , he would take care of Chenle and Jisung , and let , Sicheng ,Kun ,Lucas , Ten, Jungwoo hug and baby him , but he can't talk with him like a normal person .

  
Sicheng laughed at him and said that he exaggerating , Doyoung said he should try to get close to him as a Hyung and friend first , then confess if he felt that Renjun has the same feelings for him, but he refused saying , he better to move on , and they didn't talk about again, it was Jaehyun choose of his own life after all.

  
He thought he was doing well, then in the end of the years festivals started , and it was the last day of the year, all the members were performing together in the same day , so they were sharing one waiting room ,the room was crowded but Jaehyun eyes would find Renjun easily.

  
He was talking with Jeno looking serious, he saw him frowning and biting his lip, he has no idea what they were talking about , but look like Jeno was trying to convince him to do something , but he didn't and then Mark walked to stand with them hugging them, yeah , it was Mark last day as a dream member, and Haechan wasn't there cause he was injured , so it would be a though night for the kids .

  
Jeno was about to say something but Renjun shot him a glare, then the dream members went first on the stage , they finished and start walking inside the room one by one, the Hyungs were cheering for them.

  
Mark walked in first , Jaemin , Chenle, Jisung , Jeno, and Renjun behind them, he looked wired covering his face with his hand, he wanted to know what's going on , but the manager told them to get ready for their stage.

  
" Hyung you're not crying right ? " Jaehyun heard Chenle asking teasing when they finished performing , he was still covering his face, and Renjun didn’t answer just sniffed , Jaehyun was close to him, so he to get closer to check him, his hand barely touched his arm, and Renjun flinched, removing his hand from his face, but instead of tears, there was … Blood.

  
" I knew this would happen " Jeno said and then everyone was surrounding him.

  
" kids let him breath " the manager said giving Renjun some tissue , he barely put them on his nose, and their color turned from white to red , the manger looked between the Hyungs and called Doyoung " Doyoung you take care of him" he said and Doyoung nodded , he was one of the few responsible members after all " Taeyoung you make sure everyone change, we're leaving and I'll go call the doctor" he said giving them on last look before walking out talking on the phone.

  
" come on you heard the manager " Taeyoung said and they start protesting , specially the dream members , but they start moving .

  
Jaehyun changed as fast as possible, and went back to where Renjun was setting with more tissues " here" he gave them and Doyoung carefully removed the soaked ones from his face, handing him the clean ones thanking god that no more blood come out " Hyung you should go and change too, I can stay here " he said and Doyoung looked between the two unsure.

  
" you two can leave I know how to take of myself" Renjun said.

  
" yeah, sure it's obvious " Doyoung scoffed getting up pushing Jaehyun to his place " don't let him do something stupid " he warned .

  
" don't get mad he just worried and doesn't know how to show it " Jaehyun said once Doyoung was gone .

  
Renjun didn't answer , and tried to get away a little from him ,as much as the small couch allow them " could you not get to close ? " he asked him " your clothes will get dirty" he said explaining .

  
" it's ok " Jaehyun assured him with a smile, glad that he wasn't uncomfortable around him " you shouldn't move much , it might start bleeding again " he said and then the other members start coming in.

  
They surrounded him again and Renjun rolled his eyes , then he noticed that Jeno pouting " who upset Jeno ? " he asked.

  
" no one " Jeno said his voice sounding sad.

  
" really ? cause I meet you yesterday " Renjun said mockingly looking at the others " Chenle ? " Renjun said trusting him to speak.

  
" I don't know what they called it in Korean, but Mark Hyung and Jaemin Hyung , said he should have said something ,if he knew your nose was bleeding " he answered bored " you're alright thought , right ? " Chenle asked worried unlike him.

  
" yeah , I'm fine " he said removing the tissue showing them , that his nose wasn't bleeding anymore " Jaemin –" " Lee Mark " both he and Doyoung said in the same time.

  
" Jeno baby don't listen to them it's not your fault" Doyoung said hugging Jeno glaring at Mark " and Renjun is fine " he said looking at Renjun for confirmation, and Renjun smiled, and Jaehyun could swear his heart skip a beat .

  
" ok kids are you ready ? we're going to the dorms " the manager said " there are two vans outside already, let's be fast the doctor coming to the dorm ".

  
" I don't need doctor Hyung " Renjun whined using a cute tone making Jaehyun trip on his steps , and Doyoung laughed at him.

  
" I'm the one who decide things here " the manager said " I know you don't like hospitals, so I'm not taking you there" he said and Renjun said nothing further pouting all the way to the dorm.

  
The manager didn't let anyone inside Renjun room, when the doctor came, and the members were waiting outside, Jaehyun was worried cause the dreamies said it's not the first time such thing happen.

  
Thanks god the doctor said it's nothing serious but he need to be careful, the manager told them to not stay up and check one more time on Renjun , before he left to walk the doctor out.

  
Renjun walked out his room and everyone eyes were on him " no one of you dare to get close to me" he warned them trying to sound scary " I'll take a shower and change this things " he said holding his shirts that was coated with some blood spots disgustingly .

  
" manager Hyung told me to remind you to tell you to don't use the hot water " Doyoung said showing his phone.

  
" the way I want to throw something at you " he said in a low voice , but Jaehyun who was standing next to him heard him and smiled .

  
Once Renjun showered and walked back to the room , they all looked at him weirdly " good that you're here , we were waiting for you " Jaemin said .

  
" stay away of me " he said defensively " what's wrong with all of you ? you look dump like now " he said stepping away.

  
" I just want to give you happy new year hug " Jaemin said wanting to take a step closer , but Mark pulled his shirt stopping him .

  
" we agreed to go on the order he choose " Mark said pulling Jaemin back, making him pout and make grapy hands toward Renjun " so Renjun who first ? " Mark asked smiling.  
" please tell me that you're joking and not serious ? " he asked glaring at them , but no one denied " you're all ridiculous " he said shaking his head.

  
" come on just choose " Mark whined hurrying him .

  
Jaehyun waited nervously , he know he won't be chosen , but the idea of hugging the younger was thrilling enough , then he saw Renjun was looking at his direction , thinking about it this would be their first hug since they meet.

  
His heart start beating faster when Renjun start walking toward him, but before he reach him, he hugged Kun who was standing next to him " Happy birthday Hyung " he heard him greeting in Chinese , and" Jaehyun snickered at himself for thinking the younger would hug him first, he take a few steps back letting everyone hug him.

  
" why there is many people here ? " Renjun complained after hugging Doyoung awkwardly, and Jaehyun tried to hide himself further not wanting to make the younger uncomfortable " is there anyone else left ? " he asked looking around.

  
No one said anything , so it was only him who didn't hug him yet, he should speak before it would be awkward if he waited more ,he didn't want to be misunderstood as he didn't want hug the younger, so he make himself visible and take deep breath wanting to speak.

  
" Merry Christmas Renjun " he said with a shy smile feeling his face becoming red, Renjun looked at him and smiled nodded.

  
" Merry Christmas Hyung " he said hugging him, Jaehyun held his breath when Renjun arms hugged his middle, he was hugging his too and didn't want to let go, but the younger pulled back quickly, he wished he could hug him and don't let go forever.

  
The feeling of Renjun on his arms , felt so unreal and even if the younger has no idea about his feeling, he himself wanted to move on and forget about those feeling, but after the hug he felt like something was awakened inside him, something he never thought about, and won't be completed without the younger.

  
So he was ready to do everything to win the younger ,he doesn’t care if it was just as a Hyung or a friend, but he want to be close to him like the others, to make him smile, to talk to him , to be important to him ,to be a comfort to him , and if he was lucky the younger would feel the same about him, and he was ready to work hard to achieve this and wait as much as it needed .

  
The things it's not easy to approach the younger , cause he knew from the beginning that Renjun was the least close dream member to him, they never talked alone , and when they talk with others around, they just greet each other formally.

  
Jaehyun was aware that they're not the only two members who weren't close, but he himself wanted to get closer to him more than anything ,even if he knew that it wasn't easy.  
When he see the younger in the company ,or when they meet with the other members, he never saw him alone, he always was with the other members like they were scared to lose him, he would see Mark would make him smile , Jeno clinging to him, Haechan would keep teasing him, Jaemin try to kiss him, Chenle would hug him, even Jisung the younger would hold his hand and stay next him.

  
This was the dream members, and to think about the Chinese members , specially the new ones , the fact that they get closer to him faster than he did , he would think it was cause of the language , but Renjun was good at Korean as much he know , so this shouldn't be a problem for him, he just need the courage to approach him when he find the right timing.

  
But the right time didn't come, they start the new year in different ways , Jaehyun was preparing for their tour and comeback, and Renjun was preparing for their station song with Hrvy , and when they get a few days off , he knew through Sicheng and others that they went together to Jeju Island.

  
Sicheng even has the duty to send him some picture of the younger, he would sent him picture of them together , but most of the picture were of Renjun alone , Sicheng was like a brother to Renjun, and he was the first one to drink with the younger since he was away from his family.

  
He was always relieved that they both have each other , relying and helping each other when it needed , so when Sicheng sent those pictures , he knew he knew something from the younger about him ,and he knew very well that he won't answer him if he asked .

  
Yet he tried to ask and found out, but Sicheng told him to find out by himself , so Jaehyun was more than happy and excited to be roommate with the younger in Japan , he thought this would be the perfect chance, they could talk freely with no one disturb them, and they won’t have any other place to go , unless the younger asked to change room with someone else .

  
But he didn't , they were roommate for a few days, but Jaehyun didn't get the chance to do or say anything, the first day the spend it practicing , the coming days they have to perform, and after the last concert Jaehyun decided he need something before he regret it later .

  
So he waited the younger to get out of the bathroom, once he walked out drying his hair, Jaehyun couldn't take his eyes from him, he get up without realizing walking toward the younger bed setting next him , keeping some space between them.

  
He doesn't know from where he got this courage , but he wanted to tell the younger about his feelings , he had been trying to talk to him since the first day, but he didn't get to say a proper sentence.

  
But Renjun looked so beautiful from close, Jaehyun knew he was so pretty, but now that he was looking at him after he get out of the shower, and he was looking at him confused , Jaehyun thought he should sent to the jail cause of what he was doing to him, he hopped he can't feel the effect he has on him.

  
He tried to recall what he was practicing to say , while the younger was in the bathroom, but he instead found himself saying silly things , and Renjun gave him a confused look, so he found himself leaning close to him, like there was a magnet power pulling him toward the younger.

  
Then he their lips touched, and Jaehyun world flipped upside down, when Renjun let him do more than kissing him, everything felt so unreal, he even wake up alone and Renjun was acting like he doesn't see him.

  
He tried to talk to him , but Renjun told him he has nothing to say, and that he doesn't wait anything from him ,he was hurt and disappointed , Doyoung and Mark the only two members who knew what happened, and he wanted Mark to help him , but the two are just devils .

  
He was trying his best to move on , or at least to not think about the younger, but the moment he get drunk and Renjun kissed him, he found himself confessing , he excepted Renjun to be surprised, to reject him ,and any of that would hurt less than what he did.

  
Which was nothing just living him alone, Jaehyun couldn't get himself to move his heart was hurting him much, that he start crying while he was talking to Doyoung asking him to come and help, the older came and helped him but he start ignoring him the next morning .

  
Then Sicheng came to talk to him ,he didn't understand what's going on at the beginning , Sicheng found about his feelings by himself as someone close to him and Renjun , he never said anything cause Jaehyun did nothing , and when he saw him mad like this ,and after listening to him , he felt like he was the worst human being .

  
He spend days after thinking about how he could win Renjun , even just as a friend first, but it was now harder than before , he never saw him alone he was always with one of the dream members , and if he was alone he won't let Jaehyun get close to him , he don't answer his calls and texts too.

  
Then he saw him one day while he was meeting Sicheng in the company, Renjun just finished practicing , and Sicheng asked him to come and set with them ,he was surprised that his friend did and more that Renjun did.

  
They talk a little and Renjun get up saying that he has to go back to practice, once he left Jaehyun looked at his friend confused " so you're really behaving now ? "Sicheng asked him.

  
" I'm just waiting for the right time" Jaehyun answered " I don't want to mess up things again " he added " but what's going on between you two ? " he asked noticing that there was something off, he didn't understand what they said before since they talked in Chinese .

  
" I pissed your boy a little " Sicheng answered and Jaehyun looked at him confused " ok , he's not your boy yet" Sicheng said to himself " but , you know seventeen right ? " he asked .

  
" you mean the group ? yeah, I told I'm close with one of the members " Jaehyun answered not understanding what this has to do with Renjun.

  
" Renjun too, close to the two Chinese members " Sicheng said " not just him, Kun Hyung ,Chenle and now even Xiaojun , and let's say I didn't like this and angered him , I kept asking him to not see him , I don't have a reason so don't ask me I just was worried , but when I talked to Kun Hyung , I figured I made a mistake since Jun guy was helping Renjun and being nice to everyone else " Sicheng explained waving his hand.

  
" why I feel like you're blaming me for this ? " Jaehyun asked what he felt.

  
" cause this is the truth " Sicheng said pointing at Jaehyun " I thought that Jun guy like Renjun more than friend, and this why he was being nice to him ,and as your friend I didn't want Renjun to like him to even if he was good to " Sicheng said avoiding Jaehyun eyes.

  
" you did that even though you're against my feelings toward Renjun ? " Jaehyun asked not able to hide his surprise .

  
" Jaehyun , I never said I was against your feelings, I have no right to do that, Renjun would hate me if I did" Sicheng said " he may be young and innocent , but he is so smart and he can decide for himself " Sicheng added" but this doesn't change the fact that I'm against your way of expressing yourself " he explained .

  
" thank you very much " Jaehyun said smiling .

  
" don't thank me I didn't do it for you I did it for Renjun ,who deserve the best and I was scared that he might fall for Jun or anyone else, cause you were doing nothing "Sicheng admitted " it's would be so unfair for you cause you deserve a chance, that you can't even ask for cause you're idiot, but at least I can trust that you really love him " .

  
" I really do " Jaehyun said " but , do you think I should fight for a chance ? " he asked worried .

  
" I guess so , but you need to work harder than you have been doing " Sicheng said .

  
" you know something don't you ? " Jaehyun asked and Sicheng shrugged.

  
" of course I do" Sicheng said proudly " you're not the only one who I talk to" he added.

" and you won't tell me anything , right ? "he asked and Sicheng nodded smiling at him .

**_Can we talk ?_ **

  
Jaehyun sent this massage to Renjun after a lot of thinking , he waited a few days thinking about everything Sicheng said, and suddenly he was scared that what Sicheng was scared of would become true, what if Renjun fall for Jun or someone else ?

  
He start thinking nonstop about this , he need to start moving as fast as he could , even Doyoung start talking to him and encouraged him, warning him to not do stupid things again.

  
**_We can_ **

  
**_But where and when ?_**

  
Jaehyun was surprised to read Renjun reply, even if it was in a late hour , he know that the younger still promoting their song.

  
_**I know a secret place** _

  
_**Tell me when you're free** _

  
Jaehyun sent and Renjun didn't replied ,and he assumed that he was fine with that, but the thing that it was harder than he thought , the next day was a mess for their group and the company, with what happen with the dream members , more like Renjun on their way back from the music show.

  
Jaehyun was planning to visit them, Taeyoung and Mark already did , and Doyoung sent them food earlier, and after what happened he couldn't do anything , Mark warned him to not bother Renjun now without explaining much.

  
He was worried that something happened to Renjun, and they were just hiding it , he wanted to know what's going on badly, but he didn't want to bother him, and make things even worse for him, he heard from Haechan that Renjun would start being a radio DJ .

  
He couldn't handle anything ,since the younger won't text him first for sure, so he went and wait for him in the dream dorm building , hiding in the small room they talk before, he saw the younger walking inside and he was about to call his name, but he saw that he pressed the button of the last floor, which was the rooftop not his dorm.

  
So he waited figuring where he was going ,then he went there too, he found him setting on the ground with his eyes close, he didn’t want to scare him or disturb him , so he watched him from far, it was already dark and he should be resting , so why he was here now ?.

  
Renjun turned his face and spotted him , Jaehyun excepted him to get mad at him , but he didn't he waved to him to get closer and Jaehyun did " what are you doing here ? last time I checked you don't love in this building anymore " Renjun asked once Jaehyun sat next him.

  
" I came to see you " Jaehyun admitted shyly " I didn't want to bother you " .

  
Renjun nodded silently " sorry , you were waiting for a massage from me right ? " Renjun asked .

  
" yeah, but that's not important " Jaehyun said were busy " he added.

  
" I was busy " Renjun answered " but we can talk if you want ? " he suggested sounding the most calm out of every time they talked alone, like he was ready to hear what Jaehyun has to say .

  
" ok, I thought we could talk in another place, but this is fine too " he said .

  
" Hyung , I'm not sure if I'll go with you to other place " Renjun answered honestly, yeah he was nicer than before, but he was still careful around him.

  
" I understand " Jaehyun said " but I still talk here and apologize " he start explaining everything to Renjun from the start , his crush to his attempt to forget, to their night together , and the latter know the rest too " I know I shouldn't have confessed when I'm drunk, but I really meant every word I said that night " he finished talking .

  
Renjun remained silent after listening to him, he didn't say anything and just looked at him " I guess I owe you an apology too, I didn't gave you a chance, or listened to you " Renjun said and Jaehyun was about to cut him " but this doesn't mean that I could accept your feelings like this " .

  
" I understand that I surprised you , but I want you to think about if you could accept my feelings " Jaehyun said carefully " I'm ready to wait for you as much as you need " he added pleading.

  
" look , I understand what you're saying , Sicheng Hyung talked with me and asked me to give you a chance and to listen to you" Jaehyun excepted that his friend has something to do , with the change of the way the younger was treating him " but I'm not sure if I could even return your feelings… " Renjun said pausing to find the right words " I don't want to lie to you Hyung , I know I may sound rude and harsh , but I didn't care about what happened that night …it's like I don't know you at all and I just slept with a stranger".

  
" and what I'm asking for is a chance for us to know each other " Jaehyun said no matter how much he was hurt with Renjun words , but at least he was glad that he was honest " we could start as friends first if you're more comfortable like this " he suggested.

  
"what if I didn't like you at the end ? " Renjun asked and to think about it , Jaehyun felt small and scared more than anytime, he was Jung Jaehyun a lot of people confessed to him, but he was getting reject , after he used to be the one who reject ,and he don't know how to deal with that " I don't want to make things more awkward between us " he added carefully they're still members of the same groups , even if they were in different units .

  
" I don't mind as soon as we get to become closer " Jaehyun tried to stay confident " if you're ok , I want to use my chance completely even as a friend".

  
" but this would be on your responsibility " Renjun said " don't come and ask me later , to return your feelings, but the least I could do is to give you a chance ".

Jaehyun smiled wide showing his dimples, feeling like he already win, even if this was just the slightest thing, cause it was a big progress for them, from where they were , and he was ready to do everything to make sure that thing would end in the best way.

  
" are you going to stay here ? " he asked worried that the younger might get cold, it was getting colder lately and he was wearing thin clothes, he should rest too he looked tired .

  
" no, I will go inside now" Renjun said getting up " you should leave too, it's better if no one saw you here " .

  
" can't I come with you ? " Jaehyun asked holding Renjun hand.

  
" where ? to our dorm ? " Renjun asked and Jaehyun didn't answer, he just want to spend more time with the younger, but he don't want to push his luck so much " I don't think it's a good idea , you should go and rest we have schedule tomorrow " he explained .

  
" ok, but when can we meet for longer time ? " Jaehyun asked eager .

  
"maybe this weekend , but I don't promise " Renjun said.

  
They didn't get to meet in the week end, but Renjun sent him a massage telling him that he was tired this weekend, and wanted to rest but they could meet later , since they finished promoting their song.

  
Jaehyun picked Renjun after his schedule , the younger asked where they were going but he said it was surprise, the taxi ride was silent not wanting to attract the driver attention, since it won't be good if someone saw them.

  
The taxi stop in front of a building and Jaehyun take Renjun hand leading him inside, Renjun was confused but waited until the older to spoke, he stopped in front of one of the apartment doors, and entered the code in front of him , it was the valentine date and he thought it was ridiculous but didn't comment in it.

  
" we're here " Jaehyun said inviting Renjun to walk inside.

  
" where are we ? " Renjun asked looking at him curious .

  
" at my apartment " Jaehyun said proudly " I rent it last month actually, and no one know about it".

  
" aren't you still living in the dorm ? " Renjun asked confused.

  
" yeah, but you know there is no privacy in the dorm" Jaehyun answered and Renjun know this very well " not that I'm doing something in secret or something , but I just need some time alone, I didn't even get to spend a lot of time here " he explained flustered.

  
" and am I your first guest ? " Renjun asked teasingly.

  
" yeah , I didn't even told my family about this house " Jaehyun said " so what do you think ? " he asked looking at Renjun.

  
" I mean it's a nice idea I should got one for myself too " Renjun said looking around.

  
" you can come here whenever you want " Jaehyun said quickly without thinking " I mean you're welcome to come here , you saw the door code , right ? " he asked flustered .  
Renjun looked him confused " why would you let me come here whenever I want ? " .

  
" why not ? " Jaehyun asked " I want to share everything with you , and this is the least thing, and this is a good place to meet without anyone see or hear us " he said .

  
Renjun was about to say something, but he was sure if he talked he would hurt the older, so he said nothing and take another look around " can I have a set ? "he asked standing next the couch .

  
" yeah , of course" Jaehyun said " I'll make us something to drink, what do you want to drink ? you don't drink coffee right ? is tea fine with you ? " Jaehyun asked in one breath from the kitchen.

  
" calm down Hyung " Renjun told him surprised with how the older sounded nervous , he didn't saw him at or out of work a lot to know how he would be, but he didn't except him to get nervous easily " tea is fine" he said trying to calm him a little.

  
Jaehyun came after a while with two cups of hot tea, he offered one to Renjun and put one in front of himself.

  
" your head doesn’t hurt anymore right ? "he asked worried trying to start a conversation , Renjun looked at him confused drinking some of his tea " you said once that you can't drink coffee or coke , you're fine now right ? ".

  
" oh ? this thing happened two years ago … " Renjun said like he just remembered " I'm better now I guess ? " Renjun said unsure still surprised with the fact that the older still remembered, he talked about this when he and Jeno where on the radio, but this was long time ago, he himself doesn't think about it since he doesn't drink coffee or coke much anymore, and if he did his head doesn't hurt.

  
" good " Jaehyun said rubbing the back of his neck " ok , that was awkward " Jaehyun said smiling .

  
" it was, but I appreciate your worries " Renjun said trying to be cooperative " how about I ask first ? " he asked and Jaehyun nodded " ok, let's start simple with how you spend your free time ? " he asked and Jaehyun answered , then he start asking Renjun a few things too, better than the first one.

  
They meet a few times like this as much their time allow , talking and getting to know each other better, they could talk and read each other easily now, but this was just when they were alone.

  
Like today Renjun came after Jaehyun, he can came here alone now, and Jaehyun noticed that something was off , the moment he walked in the house, he looked tired and mad slightly, Jaehyun was cooking in the kitchen still watching him, Renjun lied on the couch stretching like a cat.

  
Jaehyun washed his hands and went to check on him " hey " he said brushing Renjun hair from his face, he cut a fresh hair cut not long time ago, and he looked cuter than before , it was hard for Jaehyun to hold himself from doing something .

  
" hmmm" Renjun hummed looking at him, he put Jaehyun hand on his forehead, and Jaehyun start massaging gently.

  
" are you alright ? " Jaehyun asked.

  
" yeah, just tired a little " Renjun answered in a low voice, he sounded tired and Jaehyun regretted asking him to come.

  
" do you want to go to sleep until the food ready ? " he suggested and Renjun nodded, he get up and went to the bedroom.

  
Jaehyun went back to the kitchen once the younger went to rest, he checked on him after a while and he saw him sleeping through the door, he smiled and went back afraid to wake him, knowing very well how the younger was light sleeper.

  
He turned on the TV after he was done cooking , waiting the younger to wake up " what are you watching " he heard Renjun voice and looked at him walking closer rubbing his eyes, Jaehyun opened sat properly opening his arms , and Renjun went to stand between his legs.

  
" feeling better ? " Jaehyun asked kissing his cheek.

  
" a little " Renjun said " is the food ready " he asked making some space between them, setting on the other side of the couch .

oh, it's ready " Jaehyun said getting up walking to the kitchen " I'll prepare the table" .

  
" let me help you " Renjun said following him, Jaehyun wanted to protest and tell him to rest , but maybe this would distract him , cause he still looked not completely fine.

  
They ate and cleaned together too, then they went to set in the living room after , Renjun sat close this time, close like the night on the hotel, they never did anything intimating since they start meeting secretly, aside from of stolen kisses and soft touches.

  
" should we watch something ?" Jaehyun asked grapping the remote control.

  
But Renjun take it out of his hand " how about we do something else ? " he asked leaning close, not thinking about the effect he has on Jaehyun right now, Jaehyun blinked looking at him confused, and then Renjun held his face with his small hands pulling him in a rushed kiss.

  
Their lips meet with such force, Jaehyun could feel the rage with the way Renjun was kissing him, Jaehyun did nothing and let him do as he please, Renjun looked like he needed that , he felt him putting his hands on his shoulders holding him tightly, and he himself put his hand around Renjun tiny waist .

  
He know that the younger was small and thin, but it felt different every time he hold him like this, he pulled him closer pulling back to get some air, making their noises bump playfully , he kept holding Renjun feeling him breathing fast until he calm down.

  
" Wow … " he barely get to open his mouth and Renjun lips were on his again .

  
" don't talk or ask " Renjun said closing his eyes " just let me stay like this a little " he said taking deep breath against Jaehyun skin, they kissed again and again tasting each other lips , Renjun was always acting rough with him ,but when he get to hold him like this ,he feel like he's the sweetest thing ever, he was becoming to get addicted to him .

  
Renjun turn his head to catch more air, making Jaehyun kissing his jaw , he kissed him all over his face and neck, feeling that there was something bothering him, he knew the younger won't tell him, at least not today, but he would like try his best to comfort him , and make him feel better even if it was just slightly.

  
Staring at Renjun side profile , taking every small detail , from his beautiful nose, to his red plump lips from the kiss , interlocking their fingers together kissing the back of Renjun hand " anything to make you feel better " he murmured kissing Renjun chin to under his ear.

  
" my answer didn't change " Renjun said in a low voice " sorry , if it feel like I used you , but … " he said but Jaehyun held both of his hands now kissing them.

  
" I don't care about answer " Jaehyun breathed holding Renjun chin to meet his eyes " I just want to be you " he said letting his hands go under Renjun thin shirt ,tracing his sides with his cold hands , feeling Renjun shiver under his touch, at this moment Renjun didn't care too.

  
He was scared and worried over a lot of things , their comeback did better than before , but their future was still uncertain, he might be having just short time left for him as a dream member, , he was worried over his family most of the time, everything came together with the preparing for the concert that might be his first and last.

  
He wasn't sure why he thought kissing Jaehyun and spending time with him, would make him feel better , it was like a safe place for him to run of the world, Jaehyun arms felt like his favorite place lately , no matter how much he tried to deny this .

" are you alright ? "Doyoung asked him in their way to Boa sunbae –nim concert, his mind was full of things and he said nothing since he get in the car, Mark suggested to him to go to the concert , saying this would make him feel better , and he was surprised that Doyoung was coming too, the manager suggested that it would be better if they went together ,he didn't much and went with what they want.

  
" I'm fine " Renjun answered adjusting his position , he saw the manager eying them through the mirror , saw he cleared his throat " I'm tired a little".

  
" why don't you do a Vlive ? " the manager suggested " the fans would love that" .

  
" what are we going to talk about ? you know we are no close " Renjun said coldly.

  
" this is your chance then to get closer " manger said " I'm sure that you would have a lot fun " he said trying to encourage him.

  
" who said I want to ? " Renjun said in a low voice.

  
" hey " Doyoung whined " come in it would be a change , beside I doubt we would get such a chance again " Doyoung said .

  
" Whatever " Renjun said shrugging .

" you traitor " Jaehyun said pouting as soon as he saw Doyoung coming back, he watched the live the latter did with Renjun , it was awkward but fun the fans were loving it so much .

  
" hey, don't envy me " Doyoung said tiredly " your boy gave me the hardest time of my life " he said drinking some water .

  
" you should be happy that you get to spend time with him " Jaehyun said jealous " you saw him, talked to him, and … ".

  
" stop that " Doyoung said cutting him " what's wrong are you sick ? " he asked .

  
" hey, you're worse when you talk about Mark " Jaehyun defended himself .

  
" Mark is my boyfriend " Doyoung said .

  
" and Renjun would be " Jaehyun said unsure .

  
" yeah, for sure " Doyoung said ignoring him walking to his room " Renjun deserve better after all " he talked to himself .

  
" hey , that's not nice " Jaehyun said following " so are you going to tell me ? " he asked .

  
" there is nothing to tell you get out " Doyoung said but Jaehyun didn't move " if you didn't go out now, I'm making sure that you won't be able to go to the dreamies concert " Doyoung threaten and Jaehyun get up immediately, this was his last hope to see him, since he was busy preparing for their concerts, he whined a few times through texts about being tired, and Jaehyun tried to ask him to meet , but the younger refused.

  
Jaehyun was so excited to go to the dream concert, they have been practicing for a while now , they even dyed their hair , Renjun looked so good un his grey hair when he saw him in the company.

  
He was sure they will be fine , even if it was their first concert as a group, he went there with the other members who don’t have schedule today, and he saw Kun and Xiaojun , the guy who always with Renjun too were there too, the dream members looked so happy, at the beginning , but then Renjun couldn't participate in two songs , he came out later saying the he get cut on his eyebrow, but he's fine and no need to worry.

  
Then the Jisung start crying at the end ,Renjun and Haechan followed him, they went to check on them, and take pictures once the concert was over, thanks god Renjun looked fine ,and no one crying anymore they were just teasing Jisung, Jaehyun looked at Renjun and their eyes meet, the younger mouthed ' I'm fine don't worry' while standing next Haechan.

  
The dreamies had two concerts for the next days, thanks god there was no more injuries , and it ended well aside from the fact that they cried a lot in the last day , they get a few days off after , but Jaehyun can't ask the younger to meet him, he must be dead tired, and his family was in Korea, he for sure would spend his time with them.

  
It was until the end of the years festivals rehearsal he get to see him, he looked so soft and fluffy in his big coat couldn't approach him, he saw Mark hugging him while looking at his direction, he knew that he was teasing him, he was about to go to them, when Jeno joined them, then the other dream member, they start teasing Mark now and Jaehyun was so happy to see him flustered .

  
They were sharing one waiting room too, Renjun looked in a good mood today , he was holding the camera talking with the members, he talked with Johnny , Doyoung , then he came to him.

  
He asked about his hair Jaehyun answered him smiling , he was staring at him making Renjun glare at him to stop, but Jaehyun couldn’t so he left him , they did a live with the other members after, Jaehyun was about to set next Renjun, who was setting next to Mark, But Jeno was faster than him.

  
Mark saw him and pulled Renjun to set on their legs , Renjun protested but Mark told him this cause there is no enough space for everyone, so before Chenle set next Jeno , Jaehyun pulled him to his lap too , wanting to be as close as possible to the latter .

  
He saw Jeno playing with his ears, and Mark hugging his waist like they were doing it in purpose, Renjun didn't look at him, and even if he did , he doubt he could see him Chenle was moving so much, he was always energetic kid, but today he was extra hyper since he was becoming an adult .

  
He was surprised to get a massage from Renjun after the live was over, asking him to meet in the changing room after everyone done " finally " he said hugging him as soon as he spotted him.

  
" Hyung you're choking me " Renjun said and Jaehyun lessen his hold , but didn't let go and Renjun hugged him too " ok this enough we don't have a lot time " he said pushing Jaehyun .

  
" I missed you so much " Jaehyun said biting his lip" I see you everyday, but I don’t get to spend time with you " he hold Renjun hands pouting.

  
" who's fault this ? " Renjun asked.

  
" our members " Jaehyun answered " it's like they're taking turns , one of them leave your side, then there is another one " he added dramatically and Renjun laughed at him.

  
"you can come too then " he said " I don't bite you know " he added teasingly.

  
" I would have if I was sure that I won't do something stupid " Jaehyun admitted getting closer " you don't except me to stay sane, when you walk around this pretty like this " he said kissing Renjun hands.

  
" not like our other members ugly " Renjun said shyly " anyway I just wanted to say happy new year, cause I know we won't get chance latter " he said looking at Jaehyun with his beautiful shining eyes , making Jaehyun wish every day is new year eve so they could meet.

  
" I love you " he found himself replying without realizing , and he panicked waiting for the latter reaction .

  
" I love me too " Renjun said letting go of his hand " you can become a dream fan then, but I like Doyoung Hyung more among the 127 Hyung " he said playfully avoiding the main subject.

  
They barely get to meet after the dream start their dream show tour, and were traveling most of the time , Jaehyun too start preparing for the group Korean comeback, so in two months they meet just once, and it was for a short time .

  
They don't even text or call each other that much, since it was until his birthday that he almost forgot if it wasn't for his members, that he got a call from the younger while he was lying in his room.

  
" hello baby " he greeted smiling .

  
" Yah, why you didn't tell me it was your birthday today ? " Renjun asked sounding angry.

  
" you didn’t knew ? " Jaehyun asked hurt a little, with the fact of how little the younger knew about him " it's the code of the house thought ? " he explained.

  
" oh ? I thought you were just being romantic "Renjun commented feeling guilty a little .

  
" I'm not romantic at all " he protested " baby …" he said daringly , knowing that the younger could get mad and hung up.

  
" sure you're not romantic , and I'm not Chinese " Renjun said mocking " can you say that you don't know when is my birthday so I feel better ? " the younger requested more like demanded.

  
" but I know though, it's on 23 of march " Jaehyun said happy that he know " I know everything about my baby ".

  
" you're drunk aren’t you ? " Renjun asked " this creepy don’t say such thing again" he warned but he doesn't sound mad anymore.

  
" I'm not drunk I just drink a little " he said and giggled " I wish you were here, I was upset cause you didn't wish me happy birthday" he said and Renjun remained silent " hey, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad " he said apologizing .

  
" you should be upset I didn’t knew such basic thing " Renjun said in a low voice.

  
" I don’t care what you know and don’t about me " Jaehyun said " I love you like this innocent and honest, you're not lying to me and I agreed to this, so no need to feel guilty ".

  
" did you really thought that you weren't romantic ? " Renjun asked .

  
" people always tell me that I'm cold " Jaehyun said " I guess I'm just like this with you " he added proudly.

  
" shut up and go to sleep " Renjun told him and Jaehyun hummed " good night ".

  
" good night baby … love you " he said kissing the phone, but he heard no reply.

  
Renjun was feeling guilty that he didn't knew the older birthday, they didn’t spent much time together , but the older know unnecessary things about him, he always care to ask about anything , but he didn’t have this courage even if he was curious .

  
He was scared that he might know so much and it would be to late then, he already acknowledged his feeling , but didn’t dare to talk or think about them even to himself , and he was scared that he might fall more for the older , he can't have this now to concern him , he already get enough things to worry about in his life.

  
Dream were doing there world tour , but what after ? no one know, forget about this his biggest worries recently is Chine situation with the virus spreading everywhere, he can’t help to get worry over his old parents and relatives , he can’t leave everything to go to stay with them , and they can't come to stay here too .

  
But , Jaehyun deserved more from him ,he was always kind off rude with him , and he never said anything to him ,always kind and nice , so maybe he could be nicer to him ?

  
He went to Jaehyun apartment early wanting to prepare a few things , the later would start promoting next week ,and they won't have time to meet after , he get him a cake and present for his birthday, and wanted to spend the night with him, if he was ok with that .

  
Jaehyun came earlier than the time they agreed on , and was surprised but happy to see Renjun already there too, he was fast to pull him in in a hug , but the younger was trying to hide something from him " hey, let me hug you " he whined.

  
" you can hug me later , I have something for you first " Renjun said and start to walking to the kitchen, he was about to follow, but Renjun called him " stay where you are " he has no other choice to listen and stay at his place pouting .

  
" here happy birthday " he said holding a cake with the lights still on, but Jaehyun didn't care, this was Renjun celebrating his birthday, what more he could he ask for? " come one the candles melting " Renjun whined impatiently and Jaehyun blow the candles " happy late birthday " Renjun said smiling .

  
" thank you, the best birthday ever " Jaehyun said and Renjun rolled his eyes " I really love it " Renjun ignored him putting the cake down, giving him a small bag " what you got me a present too ? " he asked excited like child in Christmas .

  
" it's nothing much " Renjun said nervously " I'm not sure if you'll like it " he said but Jaehyun smiled wider , saying that he will for sure " you don't even know what is it ? " he couldn’t help commenting .

  
" I would like it even if you get me a stone " Jaehyun said ripping the papers .

  
" maybe I should next time " Renjun said unimpressed with how Jaehyun was ripping the present , he spent a lot of on wrapping it , but Jaehyun was just happy that he said that he was going to give him another present next year, which mean they would be together for more time.

  
" I would like it " Jaehyun said smiling showing his dimples, he take out the new sunglasses and shirt that Renjun bought him " you didn't have to " he said looking at the present.

  
" check the size before you say anything " Renjun scolded him " I wasn't sure so I brought a slightly bigger of my prediction " he explained holding the shirt in front of Jaehyun .

  
" it's fine it's good on me " Jaehyun said taking of his shirt wearing the one that Renjun got him, he then wear the sunglasses and looked at him " how I look ? " he asked.

  
Handsome , unreal, one of the most beautiful things I have ever saw, Renjun thought but said something else " like always " .

  
" thank you very much " Jaehyun hugged him tightly, wanted to enjoy the moment as much as he could, Renjun hugged him too making everything feel alright, he pulled back to take a good look at the pretty boy in front of him, then Renjun pulled him down in a deep kiss ,Jaehyun was surprised first , since the younger was the one who kissed him first, but he kissed back too, he put his hands around Renjun waist pushing him to set on the couch, not cutting the kiss " please tell me that you can stay here tonight " he said against Renjun lips.

  
" if you will let me I was thinking of staying here " Renjun said smiling at him, and Jaehyun leaned down to kiss him again , more eager than before holding the back of his neck with one hand, while the other one creasing his side, he could feel Renjun hands on his shoulder too.

  
It was the first time they kiss like his after the night in the hotel, they kissed a few times , but nothing like this like they would die if they didn’t , Jaehyun kissed him slowly like he was eating him ,he suck in his bottom lip making him whine , the kiss grow heated, when their tongues start sliding against each other .

  
Jaehyun pulled back for air, then he get up and Renjun looked at him confused , he said nothing but pick the younger up walking to the bedroom " why you weigh so little ? " he asked and Renjun glared hitting his chest not to gently, but Renjun weighed almost nothing in his arms , he looked so small and Jaehyun wanted to protect him .

  
He sat on the bed with Renjun on his lap " don't do this again , I don't like it " Renjun said but didn't move .

  
" I just didn't want to do anything intimated on the couch" he said kissing the frown between his brows, going down to his nose, until he meet his lips again, Renjun felt like the time stop, Jaehyun wasn't doing much , just kissing him and he was starting feel dizzy, and not cause of the lack of the oxygen ,he felt like he was losing control over his body, cause he was craving for more , for Jaehyun to touch him .

  
Jaehyun pushed him on the bed , making his lips going lower kissing his chin, before attacking his neck, kissing all the exposed skin he could reach , Renjun arms were pulling him closer wrapped around his neck, Jaehyun hands went under his shirt roaming over his body " Hyung " Renjun whined and Jaehyun hummed start working on the buttons of Renjun shirt, kissing the skin he was discovering with every button.

  
" let's take this off " he said pulling the shirt from Renjun shoulders, he take of his shirt too putting it gently on away, not wanting to ruin Renjun shirt, then he kissed him again taking his bottom lip between his too gently, their lips were great match together , despite not getting to kiss a lot, Jaehyun massaged Renjun hip through the kiss making him moan, he let his hands touch everywhere he could reach .

  
When he pulled back again staring at the younger under him ,it was the best view he has ever saw , they looked at each other eyes , not saying anything memorizing the beauty in his head " stop staring " Renjun whined trying to hide himself .

  
" can't take my eyes of you " Jaehyun said " you're so beautiful, everything about you is perfect" he said and Renjun face become red .

  
" don't exaggerate I'm just pones and skin like any other normal person" he said not meeting Jaehyun eyes .

  
" hey, you can't tell me how to see you " Jaehyun said kissing his collarbone teasingly , his hand went down on the front of Renjun pants, opening it pushing it down carefully, he was doing everything slowly, not wanting to rush anything and ruin the moment, Renjun lied still not moving letting him do whatever he want, making Jaehyun feel unsecure with the trust the younger was giving him.

  
He get of the bed to take his pants too, and get a lube and condom , kissing Renjun as soon as he hovered over him , circling his rim with one finger before entering him carefully, he know that the younger wasn't with anyone after him, and he doubt that he even would found time to jerk off, even if he did he has to be extra careful to not hurt him.

  
" that's enough " Renjun said and Jaehyun take his fingers off, he put the condom and entered him , the rest was blur, Renjun feeling so tight around him , his moans , his pretty face, pleased expression , red lips , the way he was holding his arms tightly , until they both came together .

  
" I love you " Jaehyun found himself saying after pulling out , he was lying next Renjun , both were panting breathing hard , and he didn't thought before talking " I …".

  
" don't say anything I'm tired now " Renjun said his eyes closed , and Jaehyun watched him a little , before getting up to clean himself and get something to clean Renjun, who was still lying in the same position , he cleaned him and joined him in the bed, he wanted to hug him, but Renjun torn his face to the other side.

They didn't talk the next day, Jaehyun wake up alone , Renjun was taking a shower and as soon as he finished he insisted on leaving , Jaehyun wanted to convince him to stay, but he failed , he ruffled his hair hitting his head " I ruined everything " he said groaning before getting up to shower too, he has practice later .

  
Jaehyun didn't knew if he wanted to hide from Renjun or to see him, but the first option seemed impossible, they both needed to go to the company to practice, and even if they don't really talk , it still wasn't easy " what I want for my birthday is to not see you again Haechan " he heard Renjun saying turning from Haechan , who was teasing him.

  
" don't worry baby I'll kiss you many birthday kisses " Haechan said clinging more to him .

  
" do you have a death wish or what ? " Renjun said unimpressed " I swear to god if you--- " Renjun didn't get to finish his sentence, before Haechan kissed his cheek and ran away, it wasn't surprise that Renjun start chasing after him " you're dead " he yelled running after him.

  
" guy's you'll get hurt " Mark said worried but they didn't seem to care , Haechan teased Renjun more and Renjun kept following him, then Haechan came to stand behind him , panting and Renjun stopped a few steps away from them.

  
" I give you a few seconds to come out, before I drag you myself " Renjun said anger showing on his face, but Haechan held Jaehyun arm " do you think I won't get you if you hide behind Hyung ? " Renjun said getting closer, and Haechan hold his arm tightly, Renjun looked at him and blinked ,and without thinking he take Haechan hand from his arm, making him whine and protest .

  
" Hyung that's not cool " he yelled while Renjun holding him.

  
" you're screwed " Mark said in his ear , before going to pull them from each other.

  
Jaehyun was surprised when Mark kept following him around, after they get back to the dorm " Mark do you need anything ? or have anything to tell me ? " he asked impatient.

  
" I'm not sure if I should " Mark said and Jaehyun frowned at him " don’t make this face , I talked with Renjun and he said something about you, and I don't know if I should tell you " he said making things harder to understand to Jaehyun .

  
" you know I'm not a mind reader " he said annoyed " if you won't talk , then go to your boyfriend " he knew he was harsh on the younger, who did nothing wrong , but Renjun name make him more sensitive.

  
" so you don't want to know ? " Mark asked pouting .

  
" Mark !" he said closing his eyes taking deep breath , he know that Mark was just worried , but he can have this conversation with his boyfriend, if he won't talk for real.

  
" ok , I'll talk " Mark said " Renjun kind of in a bad mood lately, like really bad mood that he didn't even care when Haechan teased him" ok this was serious .

  
" could you explain more to me " he asked impatient .

  
" you know how things in China now, and he can't go to see his family there, even in his birthday, their concerts has been canceled , and he really grumpy because of you " Jaehyun know some of that , Sicheng told him about how things bad in China, he knew the younger would be affected this much too " we talked about you too, and Renjun don’t hate you, I mean he didn't say that he like you , but he didn't deny when I asked , and I know him enough to figure this out myself … " ok this was good , no this was great, but why Mark looked worried , and why he was the one telling him this ? " but he don’t to be with you as boyfriends, or serious thing , I don't understand why , his thoughts are so complicated to be explained " what Jaehyun don’t understand .

  
" what does that mean ? " he asked confused.

  
" he didn't tell me everything , but I guess he freaked out after you said that you loved him " Mark said unsure rubbing the back of his neck , so he told Mark this " he said he'll talk to you when he have time, but I'm telling you this if , to know if tried to lie to you ".

  
Why would Renjun do that ? why he would lie to him about his feelings ? why he was scared of Jaehyun love ? if it then what can Jaehyun could do ? should he wait for more ? or it would be better if he gave up ?

  
The only one who could answer this question is Renjun, he asked to meet him in one of the empty rooms in the company, Jaehyun told him they could go to his apartment , but he rejected and told him it would be better if they didn’t go there.

  
Renjun was waiting for him when he get there, and he really looked pissed and grumpy, he kept huffing all the time ,picking his shirt " you're going to rip the poor fabric " he said holding Renjun hands, Renjun looked at him then pulled his hands.

  
" set, I want to say something " he said and Jaehyun what he was told " I don't want to lie to you or myself I like you Hyung, but …" he didn't lied at least , but here come the annoying word ' but' " but I don't want to be with you anymore, were in different pages, and I guess I can't give you what you're waiting for from me ".

  
" what are you talking about ? I never said I was waiting anything from you " Jaehyun said trying to keep his voice down.

  
" really ? then do you want us to stay fuck buddies then ? " Renjun asked smiling sadly, again with such incorrect word " what you said to me last time say something else though" he added.

  
" what I said were my honest feeling that I have been trying to prove to you " he said hurt.

  
" you did , I believe your feelings " Renjun said " but I can't return them " is this mystery or something ? cause he can't understand anything .

  
" you just said you like me ? " he asked confused.

  
" of course, I do who wouldn’t ? " Renjun said smiling like he was mocking him " but I don't want to like you more , I don't think I'm ready to love you , more like I don't want to ".

  
" stop , I get it " Jaehyun said closing his eyes each word Renjun was saying , was ripping his heart apart, and he can't trust himself to ask about the reason, and if the younger don't want him, he won’t try to force himself on him , he don’t have to" don’t worry no one will know about this " he said and get up leaving without looking at the younger.

Renjun wanted to believe he did the right thing , that he won't regret it later, but his lonely filled with tears night , were telling him otherwise, he like Jaehyun and this wasn't the problem, he just was so scared to like him more ,which is not the hardest thing to do, loving Jaehyun and being with him mean that they won't be like before, they already become different from before, but being with him as a boyfriend mean more responsibility.

  
He already has a lot of things to worry about in his life, and he would get rid of what he could for more peaceful life, and loving Jaehyun was the first thing he thought of, Jaehyun seemed like of his limits when he thought about him like this, he is in a different group having a different schedule most of the time, while Renjun stay at his dorm or practicing at the company.

  
Jaehyun was clear and confident about his feelings, while Renjun don't want to be , he feel like if he said it loud like him, he would be trapped , not to mention that they really don’t , or more like him doesn't know much about the later , like he was sure their fans knew more than him, even after spending some time alone together , he doubt he could approach him in front any person.

  
" congratulation to be the first and only person to reject Jung Jaehyun and broke his heart " Sicheng whispered in his ear once he was visiting wayv dorm to meet Yangyang.

  
" go away " Renjun said pushing him from him, he didn't talk with anyone about what happened and wasn't planning to, Mark tried to talk but he don’t want to , he won’t understand him ,he has his relationship going well , and he and Jaehyun still group mates, so he don't want to talk about him and put him in uncomfortable situation cause of him.

  
" don't you want to tell me what happened ?" Sicheng asked setting closer to him.

  
" the one who told you didn't tell you everything ? " he asked looking at the bathroom door where Yangyang was " I have nothing to say to you " Renjun said Sicheng was close to Jaehyun too, and if he told him what happened he won’t understand , it's better to not talk about it with anyone, he know the older won’t talk to Jaehyun if he told him something and asked him not to , but he don’t want to even talk, cause talk would just open the wounds.

  
" he said nothing aside from that you don't want him " Sicheng said and Renjun was relieved that Yangyang come, so Sicheng won't ask more, he was planning to play another round and leave anyway.

" you go to wayv Hyungs dorm all the time , but you refuse to come here when I ask you to " Haechan whined while hugging Renjun , they were on 127 dorm on the living room room, he didn't want to come, but Jisung was in Chenle house, and Jeno and Jaemin went home .

  
" I'm here now aren't I ? " he said not taking his eyes from his phone " get off me or I'll leave" he threaten but Haechan hold him tighter.

  
" are you talking with Yangyang ? let me talk with him too " he said pecking from over his shoulder, he saw him text someone in Chinese but of course he didn't understand.

  
" I'm not talking to him " Renjun said smiling at his phone , he raised it to see better , and Haechan get closer " Haechan if you didn't get of –" he didn't get to finish his sentence, cause Haechan took his phone from his hand and ran away .

  
"What are you two doing ? " Mark asked walking in the room .

  
"give me my phone " Renjun said " Haechan look I'm being nice, so give it to me before I get mad " he threaten putting his hand out for Haechan.

  
" just give me a second " Haechan said trying to search the name that Renjun was texting " yeah, I knew who you were texting " he jumped excited, Renjun glared at him, and without saying a word he walked out passed him " yeah where are you going ? "he asked following him.

  
" yeah , Renjun wait " Mark called him " what did you do ? " he asked Haechan before following Renjun.

  
" Mark, why is Renjun mad ? " Doyoung asked .

  
" where is he ? "he asked.

  
" he went to the bathroom" Doyoung answered and Mark sighed in relief, that he didn't left " what happened ? " he asked and Mark told him what he saw.

  
Renjun wash his face several times trying to calm down, he shouldn't have come here , he washed his face one more time ,Jaehyun doesn't live here ,but he could come any minute and he wasn't ready yet to see him ,then he heard someone knocking on the door, shit he wasn’t in his dorm, and others might need to use the bathroom, and Haechan and Mark might be worried.

  
" I'm coming Haechan no need to broke the door " he said and opened the door , but it wasn't Haechan it was Jaehyun, Renjun froze at his place not moving , it has been a while since he last so him, and he didn’t wish to see him today, he might knew that he was here , and for sure he won't want to see him.

  
" I'm not Haechan, and as you see I need to use the bathroom " Jaehyun said coldly holding his pants , he was about to finish his business , but Renjun didn't left.

  
Renjun mouthed a sorry and went out, Mark gave him his phone back " why you did get mad is it just Jun Hyung, why you're so secretive about it ? " Haechan asked and Renjun ignored him.

  
" it's not of your business who I talk and don't talk to , I don't remember that I need to report my life to you " Renjun answered trying not to get made excepting over the fact that Jaehyun just ignored hi, but what was he excepting ? and he doesn't want to fight with Haechan now, he has no energy for this now, his heart was still beating fast.

  
" kids let's not fight" Johnny said " Doyoung we were supposed to eat dinner " he said and Doyoung take his phone out asking them what they want.

  
" Jaehyun , we're ordering Chinese food are you staying too ? " Doyoung asked and Renjun hold his breathe , Jaehyun remained silent for a while before agreeing .

  
" so what where you talking about with Jun Hyung ? " Haechan asked and Mark throw the pillow at him.

  
" you don’t learn your lesson ? " he said "Renjun just ignore him , you don't have to answer" Mark told him .

  
" Haechan , you asked me why I don't come here like I go to wayv Hyungs dorm right ? " he asked and Haechan nodded " cause no one there has a big nose like you, stop bothering me " he answered and Doyoung and Mark laughed at Haechan who pouted.

  
" I ask cause I'm worried about you " Haechan said dramatically " I don’t want our precious innocent Renjun to get his heart broken".

  
" how about I broke your jaw so you won't be able to talk ? " Renjun said thinking that he is the one who breaking hearts.

  
" so what's going on between you and Jun Hyung? " Haechan asked and Renjun glared at him " don’t be shy there is no one strange here , don't worry the Hyungs won’t talk to anyone, you can trust them ".

  
" Haechan , Jun Hyung just asked me to marry him ,and I said yes, the wedding is in the weekend, are you happy now ?" he said.

  
" and are you going there alone ? " Haechan asked playing along to piss Renjun more .

  
" no I'm calling my bodyguards to accompany me , I will call everyone except you " Renjun said mockingly " I hope you don't have more questions " he said tired and he get text another from Jun, he was asking Renjun about love advice, and Renjun laughed , out of everyone in the world he's the last person to give love advices, but Jun for sure doesn't know this , Renjun just tell him to be happy ,cause he deserved ,he always make him smile and feel better, he forgot that he was away from his home and parents when he talked to him, of course he has Chenle and the other Chinese members too, but Jun and him were similar in a lot of ways.

  
" this Jun guy is amazing if he can make you smile like this " Doyoung said and Renjun raised his head looking at him confused "what ? look how many people here and you're busy with your phone ".

  
" I'm not here to talk with you Hyung " Renjun answered and everyone got worried, Renjun and Doyoung ,both were stubborn and talk before thinking , this is not a good sign if they talked and fought " I came here to eat dinner with my friend, but you invited yourself to eat with us , and to be honest if I knew you were eating with us I wouldn't have came".

  
" you lucky our fans love you " Doyoung said while Mark was holding him, he was ,mad at the younger cause he what he did to Jaehyun, and Mark warned him a lot of times before he came to not say something bother him .

" where is Mark ? " Doyoung asked Haechan , they were in the waiting room of music bank, to perform in the special episode, and his boyfriend wasn't there .

  
" he went with Renjun and Chenle to greet Jun Hyung " Haechan answered not taking his eyes from his phone.

  
" since when he was Chinese ? " Doyoung asked unimpressed and Haechan shrugged not answering , he looked at Jaehyun who was looking at his phone , but he know that he was listening to them " are you alright ? " he asked and Jaehyun looked at him.

  
" I'm great Hyung " he said but it was a lie and Doyoung know this " why I won’t be ? " he even smiled and Doyoung rolled his eyes , he was about to respond when Mark and Chenle come to the room laughing .

  
" Mark " Doyoung called his boyfriend " didn't you forget someone ? " he asked.

  
" oh Renjunnie ? " Mark said " he just went to the bathroom " he answered looking between Jaehyun and Doyoung , Jaehyun smiled and get up to talk with the younger members and he went to set next Doyoung " what's going on ?" he asked and Doyoung sighed .

  
" what do you think ? " Doyoung asked and Mark looked at him confused " Renjun" Doyoung said .

  
" did he saw the pictures already ? " Mark asked .

  
" I don't know what's pictures are you talking about , but he was staring at his phone for a while "Doyoung answered " what did you do ? " he asked .

  
" nothing , we just went to greet them , and we take a picture together " Mark answered .

  
" oh, since when are you close to them ? " Doyoung asked .

  
" I went with Renjun and Chenle , and there was other seventeen members …" Mark said " Hyung what did I did wrong now ? " he asked pouting .

  
" Mark , I don't want to talk here, but Jaehyun is still hurt" Doyoung watching Renjun walking in the room, the stylist called him to remove his make up , since he needed to leave to his radio " I know you're close to both of them, and I'm not asking you to choose between them of course, but don't let him hurt him more " .

  
" Hyung it's not like that I swear " Mark said trying to keep his sound low " Renjun doesn't like Jun Hyung like this" he added looking around and he saw Renjun getting up to go and change " good luck Junnie " he said waving his hand , Renjun waved his hand smiling at him.

" you need to tell Jaehyun what you told me " Doyoung said , he was in his room with Mark setting in his lap, they talked and Mark told him that he was sure that there was nothing between Renjun and Jun, and that Renjun for sure like Jaehyun.

  
" I can't Hyung ,I promised him " Mark said " this won't be about just Jun Hyung , it's about anyone who closer to Renjun than Hyung " Mark said which is true that Jaehyun liked to torture himself , he would always compare himself with others , how they're closer to Renjun than him.

" Mark –" Doyoung said holding Mark face in his hands , but Mark kissed his palms not letting him to continue .

  
" Hyung , I know you're worried over Jaehyun Hyung , I'm worried about him too" Mark paused to hold his hands " but I can’t do this to Renjun , he trusted me and talked to me , I can't do this to him … ".

  
" look I know … "Doyoung closed his eyes pausing " no , I don’t know Renjun as much you do, but this not good even for him".

  
" I know , but he's stubborn like someone else I know , and I'm sure he won't listen if I tried to talk to him ,or anyone else , he told me Sicheng Hyung told me to leave him alone too … " Mark said looking at Doyoung " and I think we should work on what you and Renjun know about each other, you two would get along well if you tried ".

  
" I'm not sure he scare me " Doyoung admitted and Mark laughed " don’t laugh I'm serious , he hurt Jaehyun and himself , put this aside he's the only one who can handle Haechan and this alone is enough to be terrifying " .

  
" you're exaggerating Hyung " Mark said smiling " Renjun just say what come to his mind , he brave and honest , you're the same so you don't think you're better Mr. Kim " Mark said stealing a quick kiss , and leaning back before Doyoung caught him.

  
" hey, this unfair " Doyoung said leaning to kiss mark for real, he hold himself to not do more since they have schedule tomorrow " but I need to check myself if Renjun and I really similar" he said and Mark laughed at him.

Renjun don't know why he told Doyoung he know where is Jaehyun , and that he would talk to him, the latter was gone for two days after his name was on the news with his other friends, the company even made him write an apology , Renjun knew about this from the managers with the rest ,everyone was angry at the company and on the edge, he was there to go to his radio and 127 members were there too,. he was sure they got scolded , and if the dream members weren't too young , they would get scolded too, that day he didn't saw Jaehyun, the other members walked out of the room, and he was waiting for his manager .

  
Haechan said he was going to come to the dream dorm, Mark and Taeyoung were forced to go to practice with superM , the other left one by one aside from Doyoung who wanted to talk to him " you know where is he , right ? " he asked and Renjun didn’t get what he was saying first, Doyoung sounded so worried and Renjun was scared a little from him " Jaehyun , I'm asking about him".

  
" what if I do ? " he said trying to sound not caring .

  
" tell me " Doyoung said .

  
" what ? are you crazy I won’t " Renjun said panicked ,Jaehyun said that he don’t want to know about his apartment , he was scared of hurting the members , and he wanted to keep his private place for himself, and he has no right to change this without talking to him " I can't ".

  
Doyoung sighed " ok, then you go talk to him " he said surprising Renjun .

  
" I … " he didn’t knew what to say, he can't do this , he doesn't have the courage to go and face the later .

  
" look, I know things between you two not the best, but he need you now" Doyoung said " and if you don't want to then tell me where he is " he said determined.

  
Renjun didn't tell Doyoung about the address of Jaehyun apartment, he even promised to talk to him, he went to do his radio , and waited after the manger drove the car to take a taxi, he don't want to put anyone in hard situation with anyone, he was nervous and wasn't sure what he'll do and say, but he guess this is the least he could do.

  
He stopped in front of the door for a while, before entering the code and walking inside, he wasn't even sure that he'll found him here , but there was no harm on checking , he opened the door and walked inside it was dark and silent , he walk inside turning on the light, Jaehyun wasn't in the living room or the kitchen, and Renjun start believing that he wasn't here at all, but he decided to check the bedroom .

  
He opened the door carefully, and it was dark like the rest of the house, he tried to look inside with the light from the corridor , and he was about to close the door thinking that there was no one inside, when he heard sobs and whispering , he opened the door walking inside, he turned the light and saw someone covered in the blankets.

  
" Hyung " he said trying to remove he blankets of the older, but he was holding them tightly .

  
" what do you want ? why are you here ? " Jaehyun asked not showing his head, his voice was low and hoarse , he must have cried for long time, Renjun tried to pull the blankets again " leave me alone" Jaehyun said weakly.

  
" you can't do this , everyone is worried over you" Renjun said and Jaehyun didn't respond " you can't hide forever ".

  
" I can do what I want " Jaehyun answered stubbornly ,and Renjun pulled the blankets ,when he noticed that the late wasn't holding it as tight as , and he was finally able to see his face" hey" Jaehyun whined but didn’t try to cover himself again , he just lied on the bed tiredly, his eyes ,nose and face were red from the crying, and even if he kept sniffing more tears were coming from his eyes .

  
" you'll get sick if you stayed like this " Renjun said confident that Jaehyun wasn't taking care of himself " you should get up and wash your face at least " he suggested .

  
" it's none of your business " Jaehyun said " I don't want to talk to you or anyone, so please leave me alone " Jaehyun was tired and mad at himself , and has no energy to deal with Renjun now.

  
" I'm tired too" Renjun said annoyed a little " don't be selfish everyone is worried over you, and the people who love you deserve more than this from you" he scolded .

  
" I don't deserve their love " Jaehyun said in a tiny voice.

" then tell them this yourself so they don't waste their time and energy" Renjun said wanting to get more response from the older, but the only thing he get is a sad look and pout with a teary eyes , Jaehyun looked like a kicked puppy hugging his pillow with his missy hair " let's go wash your face " Renjun said softly and Jaehyun didn't move first, so Renjun take the pillow of his hand and put it aside.

  
Jaehyun start moving slowly from the bed, he leaned on the wall to support himself and Renjun went to hold his hand " I can walk alone " Jaehyun said trying to take his hand , and Renjun held his middle instead.

  
" yeah sure" he said glad that there was no big space to the bathroom, cause even with his protest , Jaehyun leaned against him and he wasn't that light for Renjun , he walked with him to the bathtub and let him set down , he waited him to get up and wash his face, but Jaehyun was busy staring at his legs, so Renjun sighed and opened he water doing the job himself.

  
" that's cold " Jaehyun whined not moving, Renjun ignored him and washed his face , and asked him to lower his head so he could wash his hair " I can take a shower alone " Jaehyun said while Renjun was rubbing his hair.

  
" you can't even stand , and I'm sure you don't want to die in the bathroom while showering " Renjun answered scrubbing Jaehyun hair roughly, he closed the water and went to get a clean towel to dry him, Jaehyun sat still while Renjun was drying his hair, they both have pink hair, Renjun with a lighter and he was almost the same height as Jaehyun while setting , and Jaehyun was staring at him all the time " I'm done" Renjun said stepping back smiling at himself .

  
Jaehyun get up and tried to walk, he felt better less dizzy, he went to the living room and Renjun followed him " why are you here ? " he asked after a while Renjun was in the kitchen doing something .

  
He come back with two hot mugs of tea handing Jaehyun one, keeping one for himself " Doyoung Hyung asked me " he said drinking a little while Jaehyun staring at him " you should drink this, it would make you feel better " .

  
" since when you listen to him ? " Jaehyun asked.

  
" he more like threaten me, he was so worried " Renjun said putting his mug down avoiding Jaehyun gaze " I was worried since no one knew where you where , or heard from you, and I thought was the only one who know about this " .

  
Jaehyun said nothing and just drink a little of his tea " I didn't mean to do it" he said and Renjun looked at him confused " I mean going to out that day … it's not what the reporter said, the place is one of my friend and no one else was there aside from as … I don’t even know how they found out " he said guiltily biting his lip.

  
" don't think about it now it already happened and you can't change that " Renjun said " don't worry our company have a solution for sure , now are you hungry ? "Renjun asked wanting to distract him a little.

  
They ordered food and Renjun make sure that Jaehyun ate enough , he look like he didn't eat the past few days, he cleaned and was about to leave " can you stay with me tonight ? " he asked and Renjun looked at him confused " I mean … it's late and we can go back together tomorrow ? " he said unsure.

  
" if you talked to Doyoung Hyung first "Renjun knew he shouldn’t agree , but Jaehyun looked like he shouldn't be alone , so he texted Sicheng asking him to cover him, the older asked him what's he doing but he told him that he will tell him later , Jaehyun talked with Doyoung and promised to get back tomorrow .

  
Jaehyun fall sleep on the couch not long after , while Renjun was watching him, he was dead tired but he couldn't help to stare at him, he was so handsome he even said this loud when they reacting to their upcoming video, like there was no flaw on him, and to know that this handsome man love him , but he rejected him like an idiot, he was regretting not saying ' I love you too " so he whispered in a low voice while covering him with a blanket, to not regret it forever .

_**I heard what you said last night** _

  
_**We need to talk because I still love you too** _

  
Renjun cursed himself for being so careless, Jaehyun heard him and he want to talk great.

  
_**We both busy** _

  
_**It's better if we don’t talk** _

He sent hoping that the older would leave him alone after.

  
**_You can't decide this alone_ **

  
_**If you don't tell me a time, I'll wait until we meet by chance** _

  
Renjun read the older reply and groaned " you're in a big terrible Huang Renjun " he said and someone knocked on his door " come in ".

  
It was Jisung the manager wanted to talk to them, about the next content they would be filming , and Renjun thought that the universe is fighting him, they would be filming videos with the members they're not close to from 127, which to be honest almost everyone to him , aside from Mark and Haechan.

  
But what was worse is that he don’t trust himself to be able to talk to Jaehyun, why this has to happen now ? they have been living like this for years , so what the company planning ? he hope it would be just one time thing, cause he really not ready to see the later everyday , he was hanging on with the fact that barely saw each other , and he hoped that this won't change.

  
He didn’t know if he was lucky that he was paired with Doyoung and Jaehyun , he wasn't close to both of them, and Doyoung kind of doesn't like him if he's not wrong , Mark told him that Doyoung is nice and that if he bothered him he can tell him , Renjun just smiled and nodded , Doyoung was nice to Jeno , Jaemin ,Jisung and even Chenle , but he doesn't have the best memories of them together.

  
But at least this would be better than to have to talk with Jaehyun, specially with Haechan controlling them, he was the devil himself ,he didn’t stop talk the moment they gathered to film, and he would remember to deal with him later .

  
He finished filming promising to keep more in touch with Doyoung , they filmed Jeno and Taeil video , and he sighed in relief that he could leave now , Jaehyun was doing his interview now with Jisung so he can't follow him ,he was waiting the manger when someone talked startling him .

  
" can we talk ? " Doyoung asked and he put his hand over his heart, trying to calm himself " sorry I didn’t mean to scare you " .

  
" couldn’t you make some voice ? " he said trying to pretend to be annoyed to get rid of the older" we finished filming so what he want now ?" .

  
" no need to be mad I just want to talk " Doyoung said trying to sound nice.

  
" there is no cameras here Hyung " Renjun said bored " we talked more than enough today " he said and saw the frown on Doyoung face, but ignored it .

  
" don't try to act smart with me , I know you're doing this to get rid of me " Doyoung said not impressed " if we don’t talk I'm telling the fans " he threaten and Renjun roll his eyes .

  
" what are you five ? " Renjun asked glaring , he know if he said that the fans would make a big deal of it, they asked him about the latter a few times after Boa concert " we have nothing to talk about anyway " he said looking around for the manager .

  
" you don't ? I have a lot though " Doyoung said smirking .

  
" good, you can talk about it to your boyfriend then " Renjun said walking toward the manger "Hyung, I'm ready " he said and left.

  
Renjun thought that he can escape from Doyoung , but suddenly they have to film a Vlive together too , Renjun didn't want to and tried to pretend to be sick, but the manager said that not just him would do that, so he has no other option, he was nervous since Doyoung sent him a massage saying ' don't worry Jaehyun won't be here ', he knew he was doing that on purpose to tease him, but he won’t let him enjoy that, he tried to convince Haechan to stay with them, but his traitor best friend left him to go to play games.

  
Doyoung of course did nothing in the live , and Renjun knew that he plan something for later , he went to wash his hands after they live was over, and sneaked his way to Haechan room, he wasn't planning to stay here for long time, Haechan was a good distraction , he talk and tease him a lot, and even if he get annoyed most of the time, it's still fine cause he won't think about anything .

  
" I don't want to play " Renjun said after a while , he was losing and he doesn't like the game anyway.

  
" good , we can talk while Haechan playing then " Doyoung said from behind, he was setting watching them.

  
Renjun rolled his eyes and glared " maybe other time I'll just leave " .

  
" you're not going anywhere " Haechan said holding his arm.

  
" yeah , what are you doing ? " Renjun said annoyed " Haechan my hand really hurt let go of me " he said and it was true , he hurt himself yesterday, cause he wasn't paying attention while thinking about Jaehyun ,and Haechan checked him, before letting his hand " when are you going to grow up ? "he said annoyed .

  
" I just don't want you to leave " Haechan said " I'll play more and you should really go and talk with Hyung, if you want to get close to him ".

  
" I didn't said I want to get close to him, you're trying to force things " Renjun said " you know I don't like such things " Renjun added annoyed.

  
" hey, I don't bit we'll just talk" Doyoung said pretending to be hurt " we can talk here if you want ? " he asked knowing that Renjun won't agree .

  
" yeah, just go with him, manager asked me to make sure that you get closer, so sorry but you can’t go out easily " Haechan said holding his controller starting a new game " I trust you to not bother him while I'm playing " he said putting his earphone turning his back to them .

  
Doyoung get up opening the door for him, Renjun knew he need to talk to him, or he won't hear the end of it " what do you want " he said annoyed at Doyoung room.

  
" you can set " Doyoung said setting on the bed .

  
" I'm fine like this " he said tapping his leg on the floor " just say what you want, I don't have all the time on the world".

  
" hey, we're not fighting are we ?" Doyoung asked smiling and Renjun wanted to throw his phone at him" ok, stop acting like you're stronger than you're I'm not judging you here"

  
" you don't know me " Renjun said " I don't care if I was rude , but I didn't really thought of talking to you " he said honestly.

  
" and I love that you're honest " Doyoung said " but , don't you think it's time for us to know each other ? " he asked.

  
" I'm not interested in you " Renjun said.

  
" I know you prefer Jaehyun " Doyoung said and Renjun grabbed the first thing he could reach throwing it at him ,he was lucky it was a doll" hey, that could've hurt it " Doyoung said patting the doll putting it in his lap " if I said something wrong you could correct me".

  
" what you heard from Mark Hyung, Jeno and Haechan or anyone else about me , doesn't make you know me " Renjun said .

  
" I know and I never said that I know you " Doyoung said " I said we can know each other, and I can help you with Jaehyun " .

  
" I didn't said I want your anyone help " Renjun said " you should worry about your relationship , instead of others ".

  
" my relationship is great thanks for worrying " Doyoung said smiling " come on tell me about you and Jaehyun, I asked him but he refused to tell me " Renjun was surprised that Doyoung start acting cute.

  
" why Mark Hyung even love you ?" Renjun asked shaking his head.

  
" oh, this a long list, but if you're willing to listen , you can set and we can discuss our love life" Renjun sat on the chair cause he was tired.

  
" if I told you would you leave me alone ? and stop bothering me " he said " you can save this energy to tease Mark Hyung , I'm sure it’s more fun than spending time listening to me ".

  
" why don’t we talk and discuss how we could tease him together then ? " Doyoung suggested and Renjun found himself smiling shaking his head.

  
He told Doyoung what he told Mark and Sicheng , he was sure that Mark told him before, but he felt like he needed to talk, and Doyoung is smarter than Mark , and there is no harm on talking to him since he know half of the story, he told him that he love Jaehyun which the later know about , and that he was now avoiding him cause he wasn't ready to talk about .

  
" you won't understand , feelings not always enough to start something , I tried to not hurt him anymore" he said " but , he want something from me that I'm not sure I can give, I know I said I love him now, but it's not enough for me to go after it, I change my mind easily and this would be unfair to him , we both are different from each other, and we barely know each other … I don't want to try to force things for our feelings, I love things to happen alone, I don't".

  
" yeah, but aren't you worried about him and his feelings more than yours " Doyoung said and Renjun was surprised a little to hear this , yeah he was worried about Jaehyun , he always was trying to thought if the way that would hurt him the least" this mean that you care much about him, he too care so much about you, he can be wired and can't express himself in the right way always, but you two could figure a way if you tried ".

  
" it's easy to talk than to do " Renjun said " I'm not just worried of hurting him , I don't want to get hurt too " he admitted.

  
" but there is no one could promise you such thing " Doyoung said " there is no relationship without flaws, but if you loved each other enough, you could overcome everything together, it's not just you two everyone like this " he explained and Renjun know this too, but he has a lot of fears to deal with.

  
" I know all of this , but I'm not brave enough to take other step" he said looking down.

  
" do you think I was when I realized my feelings for Mark ? no, I knew Mark for longer than I was with him, and I was scared like even more than you when I figured that I love him " Doyoung told him and Renjun was surprised that he was telling him this " it wasn't easy for us too, but once we started we can't back up easily, you know about our big last fight too, even now sometimes we would think we won't last forever , but we rather live the moment instead of worrying over things didn't happen yet.

Jaehyun saw Doyoung playing and laughing with Renjun ,and couldn't help to envy them, they start working on Nct 2020 project , and all the 23 members were together most of the time , and it's still strange to see this two joking around like this ,it happened after Renjun visit their dorm, he asked Doyoung to make the younger wait him, but Doyoung said that he talked home, when he asked about him once he come after his schedule .

  
He didn't understand what they talked about , to become this close, he has been trying with the younger for months, and Doyoung did this in shorted time " Renjun and Doyoung Hyung need to be spreataed " Haechan joked from next him.

  
" it's wired right ? " Jeno commented too " I never except this two to become close " .

  
" you're not jealous that Doyoung Hyung replacing you right ? " Haechan said teasing Jeno.

  
" do you think I'm you? " Jeno said pushing Haechan playfully, Jaehyun was bothered how Renjun was able to get along with everyone, even the newest members , but he still can’t do the same things.

  
"you two didn't sort things of yet ? " Sicheng asked him silently and he shake his head " what are you two scared of ? just talk with each other jeez " he said annoyed.

  
" I'm scared " Jaehyun said .

  
" great , it was just one , and now both of you " Sicheng said clapping his hands , Renjun excuse was always was that I'm scared , I have fears , when they talked about Jaehyun " Doyoung Hyung " he called and Doyoung looked at them, he was teasing Renjun missing his hair, they both were smiling , Renjun start talking with Jisung once Doyoung walked toward them, and Jaehyun couldn't take eyes of him, Jisung was explaining something and Renjun was listening and nodding , he would say something and then both would smile or become so serious, they looked so cute from where he was watching .

  
" Renjunnie and Jisungie are so cute " Doyoung said setting between them " they were discussing about something , and they change their minds quickly" .

  
" Renjun always do that, he get excited but if no one show reaction he would talk about something else " Mark said following his boyfriend who nodded .

  
" see Jaehyun Renjun doesn't bite " Sicheng said " even Doyoung Hyung and him are close now, like I never imagined this happening " Sicheng said and Doyoung start whining .

  
" I knew they would get along well " Mark said proudly " the more I think about them, the more similar things I found between them" he added .

  
" I never thought we would get along very well, but we really good together " Doyoung said " we're going to eat together later , do you want to join us ? "Jaehyun know now the situation is more serious than he thought of , he knew Doyoung was teasing him , and trying to make him do something , but he know too that Doyoung really like the younger and care about him, and even if he was dating Mark, Jaehyun couldn't help to get jealous.

  
" Jaehyun should learn from Hyung " Sicheng said .

  
" but I don't want to be his friend " Jaehyun said looking at Renjun he was massaging Jisung injured leg, he really looked beautiful today wearing big hoodie , and seeing how nice and good person he was , the more he was seeing and watching him, the more he was falling for him " I love him " he said.

  
" then go and tell him this , why are you telling us ? " Doyoung said walking away.

Jaehyun was planning to talk to Renjun, but for real it become harder that they see each other everyday, for his luck they didn't get to participate in any song together, but most of his members get , and he won't be petty if they didn't keep praising him ,like all the members praising and encouraging each other, but when they talk about Renjun he fell like he need to say something , but he back up in the last minute always , like he doesn't dare to say his name, scared to say something and the younger get mad at him.

  
Time was passing and they start promoting , they won today , and from home unit come on stage with them, he saw Renjun walking behind them, he grab his hand to stand behind him and Doyoung , and he stopped between them, he was about to held his hand, but Doyoung grabbed his hand pulling the younger toward him, he tried to keep straight face since they were being filmed, but once they left the stage , he grabbed Doyoung hand pulling him to empty corridor.

  
" what do you think you're doing ? " Doyoung asked him frowning .

  
" what you did there ? " he asked annoyed .

  
" I did nothing other than performing " Doyoung said shrugging .

  
" Hyung … " he sighed losing his patience " I just wanted to hold his hand " he said sadly.

  
" I'm sorry but I won't allow you to be near him, if you did nothing " Doyoung said and Jaehyun didn't understand what he meant .

  
" what are you saying ? " he asked confused .

  
" easy, I'm protecting him " Jaehyun has no idea what Doyoung was saying " before knowing Renjun, I always listened to you and tried to help, but now that I'm close to him, I'm taking his side, and to be honest I think I should tell him to forget you" .

  
" you have no right to decide for him" Jaehyun was mad now .

  
" he's like my little brother , I'm just protecting him " Doyoung said and left him alone.

" traitor, fake, selfish , annoying, lucky bastard … " Jaehyun said while looking at Doyoung fixing Mark hair, then kissing his cheek secretly, Doyoung was happy with his boyfriend, while not letting him to get near Renjun, who does he think himself? " I'm going to kill you " .

  
" hey, you can't kill one of our members" Renjun said surprising him" we're a lot right, but it won't feel the same if one of us killed another member" he said seriously.  
" he deserve it " Jaehyun said glaring at Doyoung back , Renjun gaze followed his gaze, and he tried to look away.

  
" hey , I'm not letting you hurt Doyoung Hyung " he said protective .

  
" why you like him so much ? " Jaehyun asked jealous.

  
" Mark Hyung the one that like him, but I don't hate him " Renjun said " why you want to kill him anyway ? " he asked titling his head confused , making Jaehyun flustered with how cute he look.

  
" I just can't stand him, he's annoying " he said looking at the younger .

  
" and if I asked you to not ? would you let on his life for me ? " Renjun asked him while looking at his eyes, and Jaehyun held his breathe , and without realizing he nodded.  
" just for you " he said .

  
" I owe you one then " Renjun said smiling not caring about the speed of Jaehyun heartbeat, he get up walking toward Doyoung who was alone now, and Jaehyun released his breath, once he looked around and no one was looking at him.

  
" I thought Jaehyun would flirt with you first , but you're full of surprise " Doyoung said and Renjun rolled his eyes.

  
" I wasn't flirting with anyone " Renjun said " not all of us you after all " he pointed .

  
" really ? then what you two were talking about for Jaehyun to become red like this " Doyoung said and Renjun looked at Jaehyun , who was looking away and looked away once he saw him looking at his direction.

  
" I was stopping him from killing you , but I guess I should let him do whatever he want " Renjun said.

" come on Renjunnie you know I love you and you love me too" Doyoung said getting closer to hug him.

  
" do you want to die " Renjun threated stepping back " stay away from me " he said taking more steps away from Doyoung.

  
" why let me hug you" Doyoung said opening his hands " Jaehyun would lose his mind if you did" he added grinning .

  
" you're sick " Renjun said shaking his head " you better stay away from me or I'll hurt you " .

  
" you're no fun, I was trying to help you " Doyoung said pouting following Renjun when he walked away.

**_If Doyoung Hyung kept doing wired things, I don’t mind if you hurt him_ **

  
Renjun sent to Jaehyun, Doyoung kept following him all the day, Mark was busy promoting with the main unit, and if he saw Jaehyun near them, he would cling to him , and if he told him to leave him alone , he would said that Jaehyun is not allowed next him unless he like act differently, Renjun doesn’t understand who gave him this role, but he was like his bodyguard, and if he wasn't dating Mark he might thought that he like him.

  
_**I'm not allowed on his room** _

  
_**He even Make Mark side with him** _

  
_**I don't even get why he doing this ?** _

  
Jaehyun sent thinking of a way to get rid of the older, he was planning to ask Renjun out before Nct 2020 is over, cause the won't get such a chance latter , and he can't take it anymore, he want to have right to be with the younger .

  
_**I don't know either** _

  
_**I regret talking to him in the first** **pl** **ace** _

  
Jaehyun smiled at the younger massage , at least he know that he doesn't agree with Doyoung , which mean that he could ask him out .

  
_**Can we talk ?** _

  
He sent nervously, not sure if he read him right, the younger was accepting him better, he doesn't flinch when he try to talk to him, it's not like he always dare to, but the younger was talking to him better than before, but maybe this was just him wanted to be nice , what if he didn't change his mind yet ?

  
**_We should_ **

  
**_Let's see what will happen tomorrow_ **

  
Jaehyun couldn't believe that the younger agreed easily, he yelled happily startling Jungwoo who was playing " sorry, I just won the game" he said .

  
_**Don't worry we'll found a way** _

  
_**You should go and rest** _

  
_**Good night** _

  
He sent kissing Renjun name on the screen.

  
_**You too** _

  
_**Good night Hyung** _

Renjun looked around making sure that no one was looking , before walking toward Jaehyun holding his hand secretly, asking him to follow him, Jaehyun barely registered what happened, following the younger , looking around making sure that no one was following them.

  
" finally " Renjun said once he was sure that no one followed him " I don't think we have a lot of time, let's talk quickly " .

  
" I can't believe you managed to get us out of there " Jaehyun admitted " I'm sure they would figure out that we're not there quickly " .

  
" yeah, this why I said we need to be fast " Renjun said " can I start ? " he asked and Jaehyun nodded "I'm sorry , I was selfish , I thought about myself , I thought I was doing the best for both of us , but I was hurting you when I thought I was protecting you …".

" Renjun …" Jaehyun spoke wanting to explain himself.

  
" no, please let me finish " Renjun said holding Renjun hands " I knew how you feel about me, I was scared not from you but from myself, not I know how I really feel, but I pushed you away already, and I would accept if you don't want me anymore …".

  
Jaehyun squeezed Renjun hands smiling" it's not easy and I understand , but if your feelings for me are real, I don't want to miss the chance, I don't want to lose you and my chance , I still love you like before and even more " Renjun smiled his face getting red .

  
They stared at their hands smiling , then Renjun tiptoed kissing his cheek , making him smile more" you heard me that night " he said in a low voice, and Jaehyun hugged him.

  
" I really love you so much " Jaehyun whispered in his ear holding him close, then Renjun phone start ringing " did we get caught ? " he asked pulling back , Renjun sighed take his phone out, and showed him his phone, Doyoung was calling and he was about to reply, but Jaehyun take the phone from him " he would bother us later , let me stay like this for more time" he said kissing Renjun forehead .

They were eating all the members together ,and Jaehyun couldn't stop smiling alone, he would even giggle from time to time , he was sure that he looked like idiot since they weren't drinking alcohol.

  
_**You should eat** _

  
_**Stop smiling like idiot** _

  
_**Someone might notice** _

  
Renjun sent him and he smiled more, Doyoung nudged his side " you look like an idiot " he told him , but Jaehyun didn't stop smiling " do you have something to tell me ?" he asked.

  
" maybe " he said looking at Renjun who was smiling talking with Jeno " I'm really happy " he couldn't help saying .

  
" Renjun you should eat more " Doyoung said " Jaehyun you too , you eat more normally " he said teasing them.

  
" why don't you worry about yourself ?" Jaehyun said " look at Mark he has spending all his time with Yangyang and Sungchan , are you not jealous ? " .

  
" we passed this level now don't worry about us " Doyoung said confidently " if you're this confident then why don’t you talk with Renjun ? " Doyoung challenged him.

  
" do you think I won’t ? " Jaehyun said trying to sound confident " Renjun " he called and the younger looked at him.

  
" Hyung " Renjun replied and smiled trying to hold his laughter when Jaehyun start whistling " be honest Hyung , you have nothing to say , right ? " Renjun said and Jaehyun face become red, both Doyoung and Jeno start laughing ,since they the only ones who heard what happened.

  
_**This was unfair** _

  
_**Doyoung Hyung challenged me and I wasn't ready but I didn't want to let him win** _

  
Jaehyun sent while pouting and Renjun wanted to kiss him.

  
_**Do you want to meet me alone then ?** _

  
He sent turning to talk with Jeno, like he did nothing , he was sure that Jaehyun won't reject.

  
_**For real ?** _

  
_**I'll leave now and you can come after me** _

  
Jaehyun texted him excited and Renjun sent him a warning look.

  
**_Don't do something stupid_ **

  
**_We can go later once everyone leave._ **

It was so hard for Jaehyun to wait until everyone left, Renjun told him they could go separately , but Jaehyun insisted to go together , which mean that they need to wait extra time to sneak out.

  
" can't believe we can spend some time alone " Jaehyun said kissing Renjun face, then going down to his neck " I hate sharing you with others ".

  
" what you can do ? I'm so lovely and everyone want to be with me " Renjun said confidently " but I want to be with you " he leaned to peck Jaehyun lips.

  
" I want you to be with me too " Jaehyun respond pulling him in a real kiss.

**Extra scene**

The members were preparing for the one of the award ceremonies stage, they were setting in big waiting room, doing their hair and make-up , Renjun was doing his hair , when Jaehyun was called to set on the other chair, he take his phone out playing to distract himself when he heard the other stylist talking to Renjun " your hair really grow tall, should we cut it ?" she asked camping Renjun soft hair.

  
" No" Jaehyun yelled startling everyone in the room , he get a few judging looks from the members, and the stylist that was working on his hair, Renjun was busy checking on the stylist that l cut his finger by fault " sorry I lost the game " he said embarrassed.

  
The stylist put bandage around her finger, and wear glove to avoid more injuries , then she start working on Renjun hair " I know you look really good in long hair, but it always stuck to your face when he sweat, and it bother you when he dance " she said and Jaehyun looked at his lap , she wasn't talking to Renjun but to him.

  
" I can have a hair-cut when I dye my hair " Renjun said " for now I can handle it like this " Renjun said , he finished getting ready before Jaehyun and get up after thanking the stylist .

  
" this getting out of hand " Doyoung whispered to him, when he sat down " how can he hold himself around you ? does he really last during sex ?" he asked and Renjun smacked his chest.

  
" watch your mouth , we're not alone " Renjun answered looking around making sure that no one heard , but everyone was busy doing something else" I'm surprised too".

  
Jaehyun finished his hair and make-up and looked at them, then he walked out " you have time to talk to him if you want " Doyoung told him.

  
" can you stop watching us ? you seem bored lately " he said but still getting up to go and found Jaehyun .

Everyone was happy after they received the award last night, and 127 members were eating lunch together, not all of them but the ones who were awake already, Jaehyun was sulking when Doyoung nudged him " what with this gloomy face ? " he asked .

  
" Renjun went to Wayv dorm " he answered pouting and Doyoung shake his head " I don’t think I can see him today " he said hugging the pillow .

  
" why don't you look at his pictures from Internet then ?" Doyoung asked mocking him " you're really helpless " he said shaking him.

  
" what can't I miss my boyfriend too ? " he asked in a low voice , so no one else would hear them.

  
" you can " Doyoung answered " but , you don't have to act like a five years old child ".

  
" I don't care if I was five or three years , I just want to see him " he said and Doyoung get up to get some water .

" you're sick " he said standing away from him.

  
" Jaehyun how the drama filming going ? " Johnny asked him .  
" it's fine " he answered and then Jaehyun just realized something " no it's not , I don't want to kiss the actress " he said panicked and everyone looked at him confused .

  
" what are you talking about Hyung ? " Mark asked confused " I guess you didn't sleep enough last night " .

  
" there is a kiss scene in the script and I don’t want to do it " he said and they looked at him confused.

  
" and you didn't knew this when you signed the contract ? " Doyoung asked glaring at him " stop being childish ".

  
" calm down Doyoung " Taeyoung said not wanting them to fight " Jaehyunnie can you tell us why you don't want to kiss her ? " he asked and Jaehyun looked down avoiding there gaze.

  
" yeah, Jaehyun there is a lot of options " Johnny said " is she ugly ? " he asked and Jaehyun said his head, he wasn't really sure if she was beautiful , but he didn't thought she was ugly " then does she smoke , or have a bad mouth breath ? " he asked and Jaehyun wasn't sure of the answer, he never get that close to know , but this wasn't the reason, so he shake his head " does she have a scary boyfriend or something ? " he asked.

  
" I don't know ? " Jaehyun answered unsure .

  
" then what's the fucking reason ? " Johnny asked annoyed now .

  
" I just don't want , you can kiss her if you want " he said.

  
" Jaehyun , this is not a game " Taeyoung said trying to stay calm " this is your first drama , and you agreed to do it yourself, and if there's a kiss scene you should do it, it won’t be hard ".

  
" I just don't want to ~~" Jaehyun whined in a low voice sounding like a child .

  
" then go tell the manager Hyung yourself " Taeyoung yelled angry.

  
" Hyung calm down I'll talk to him " Doyoung said "come with me " he take Jaehyun hand pulling him to his room.

  
" I'm not kissing here , and nothing going to change my mind " he said stubbornly and Doyoung rolled his eyes .

  
" why don't you want to ? "Doyoung asked trying to stay calm.

  
" our fans won't like that " Jaehyun answered.

  
" our real fans know that this is just acting , and would support you, anyone would be mad for such thing is not our fan " Doyoung said " why don't you try better " he said crossing his arms.

  
" I'm a bad kisser ? " he know he sound stupid .

  
" let me answer for you " Doyoung said " you don't want to kiss her , cause she is not Chinese short boy named Renjun , am I wrong ?" Jaehyun remained silent not even able to shake his head, Doyoung sighed and spoke " look Jaehyun you know that this dump right ? ".

  
" what if he get mad at me if I did ? I don't want to fight with him " Jaehyun said " and to be honest I don't think I can kiss anyone that not him" he added .

  
" Renjun won't get mad over such thing , he's smarter than this " Doyoung said " but I'm sure he would get mad , if he knew how you're acting ".

  
" you don't understand ,it's harder than you think " Jaehyun said " would you like if Mark kissed someone else ? " .

  
" if it was just for work I won't " Doyoung answered and Jaehyun looked unconvinced " if you're going to make problem from small things like this , you would make your relationship complicated , and you would fought a lot , and I'm sure you don't want that right? ".

Jaehyun didn't want to fought with the younger for sure, he didn't want to let Doyoung tease him, but Renjun wasn't helping , he was avoiding the younger since he get to the practice room, not like Renjun approached him , but he didn’t even need to , he was watching him practicing with Taeil and Xiaojun for their song , and when Renjun start sing , his heart would beat faster, he went to the bathroom to wash his face to calm down a little, but it didn't work cause once he was back , Renjun was practicing with the other dream member to perform their song , and he couldn't take his eyes from him while he was dancing .

  
" close your mouth you're drooling " Mark said taking his water bottle drinking to catch his breath " you need to see doctor if you stayed like this " he said when Jaehyun was still staring at Renjun.

  
" you don't understand he's so pretty " he said not looking at Mark " don’t you think so too?" asked Mark glaring.

  
" of course he is pretty" Mark said looking at Renjun " but are you saying that we all are ugly ? " he asked and Jaehyun didn't knew how to answer.

  
" no … I didn't mean it like that " Jaehyun said " but he's my favorite " Jaehyun said smiling proudly.

  
" don’t waste your time and come here pretty baby " Doyoung said pulling Mark in a hug kissing his forehead " you're so beautiful today ".

  
" so you're allowed to complaint your boyfriend but I'm not ? " Jaehyun asked sulking .

  
" you're allowed of course, but you need to control yourself " Doyoung told him" we're lucky you don’t have to perform with him, or you would made a big scandal on the stage " Doyoung said shivering from the thought.

  
" don't remind me, I can't believe two albums and not even one song together " Jaehyun said pouting " this really ridiculous ".

  
" do you think you can handle it ? " Doyoung asked him and Jaehyun looked at him confused " do you think you can look at Renjun and perform in the same time? " he asked raising his eyebrow .

  
" no, I don't think I can do that " he said realizing " I prefer watching him from far, if I went on the stage with him , I would just stare at him ".

  
" you’re wired I start worrying about Renjun " Mark said and Jaehyun hit him playfully, and Mark left them " Hyung I'm going " he said kissing Doyoung cheek.  
" are you jealous ? " Doyoung asked grinning .

  
" why I would be ? " Jaehyun said looking away " how can you hold yourself if you love Mark ? don't you think he's pretty ?" Jaehyun asked him curious .

  
" I use my head a little unlike someone " Doyoung answered him " you know you should realize that there is a time for everything , you can love him as you want when you're alone, and you need to learn how to be professional when it's required " he added patting his back.

Renjun and Jaehyun has been kissing slowly for a while now, Jaehyun would pull back when they're out of breathe to kiss his neck, he wish he could suck and leave a mark, but he know he can't, so he still enjoying the kiss , this time they opened their mouths and their tongues moved leisurely against each other, while Jaehyun hands were holding Renjun waist, creasing his side up and down from time to time.

  
" Hyung …" Renjun breathed against Jaehyun lip "we need to stop " he said and Jaehyun hummed kissing his forehead then to his collarbone, resting his head on the younger shoulder.

  
" can't we stay here like this ? " he asked and Renjun chuckled, shaking his head .

  
" no, I came here to scold you in the first place " he said and Jaehyun looked away " hey, I'm the cute one here don't use that face on me"  
" I thought you would be on my side " Jaehyun said holding Renjun hands playing with his fingers.

  
" for someone who say that he love me , and I believe you for sure, you can't even talk to me, or look at me in the eyes when there is other people around …" Renjun said and Jaehyun face become redder " you need to work on this , before you make a fuss and complain about our work, I excepted better from you " he added scolding .

  
" you want me to kiss other girl ? " he asked and Renjun rolled his eyes.

  
" I don't care about this honestly" Renjun said and Jaehyun looked first " don't get wrong you're just doing it for the drama , and you won't do it after , so I have no problem I'm open minded " .

  
" I don't like it if you kissed someone even if it was just for work" he said in a low voice.

  
" Hyung … let's not do that " Renjun said taking a deep breath to find the right words " we're idol this our job, and I'm sure you can be a professional and do a great job as actor, don't think about such small things that would just bother you ".

  
Jaehyun remained silent for a while " I don't want you to be upset or disappointed ".

  
" you need to stop thinking much about me ,and think about other things and people , I'm already with you " Renjun said " Taeyoung Hyung is already injured ,and you gave him more things to stress and worry about, Doyoung said he was mad at you the other day , be a good boy and don't cause problems when I'm not around , hmm ?" Renjun said kissing Jaehyun dimple.

  
Jaehyun bit his lip guilty , he was actually going to apologize, but his schedule was crazy ,and Taeyoung was resting at the dorm most of the time ,and he didn't want to go to him in late hour, and he didn’t knew how to approach now .

  
" ok, but let's do something else for now " Jaehyun said kissing Renjun slowly, pulling Renjun closer, stroking his cheeks , he wanted to deepen the kiss but Renjun pulled back quickly .

  
" we should go now , we'll perform say " he breathed against Jaehyun lips , Jaehyun sighed but still nodded.

  
" I wish we have more time , I don't want to go back yet " he said kissing Renjun hands.

  
" but we should " Renjun said stepping back from him, knowing that Jaehyun won't if he didn't " come on , we can talk there if you want " Renjun said winking.

  
Jaehyun take his time to go after Renjun to calm down , he know they don't have a lot of time ,and he wasn't eager to watch Renjun from far, the younger told him he should talk to him on front of others , so they would be able to hang out around each other without being suspicious, Jaehyun would do, but he preferred to talk to him alone in private , so he could tell him that he love him .


End file.
